Gender Roles and Spiritual Vocation – are there only 2 choices?

There seems to be a trend lately, especially in American converts to Orthodoxy, that for women, we are presented with only two choices: either we should become a monastic, or we should get married, have lots of children and be a stay-at-home mother. 

Now if one chooses marriage, then there are many in the Orthodox Church that promote the “quiver-full” ideology: once married, there should be no birth control and no limits on the number of children, regardless of financial or health concerns, because God will provide. 

BUT… this is not an Orthodox big “T” Tradition. It is not an official dogmatic teaching or belief of the Orthodox Church.

It is a little “t”tradition often promoted by American Orthodox converts. I think some of this is a carryover from some Protestant teachings. 

In fact, when we read the lives of many female saints, they are a diverse group of women… single, married, widowed, with and without children. And one is not presented with only 2 choices (either married with children or monasticism).

Prior to my conversion to Orthodoxy, I had been in Protestant, Evangelical, Charismatic churches and was very much involved in the pro-life pregnancy center ministries.

I had been a part of Christian singles groups and the mindset was very much women were supposed to: get married, have lots of children, be a stay-at-home mom, homeschool children, give up your career, and submit to the husband.

It always felt like I was to basically become a brood mare and slave with no autonomy or identity of my own. 

Because I didn’t fit the mold, I was often labeled as rebellious, trouble, “loose”, lesbian, or worse. Never mind  the truth that I was living a life of abstinence. 

I wanted to be a missionary in a foreign country but was told I needed to wait until I was married.

I always felt less than others. I was strongly “encouraged” to have faith that God would bring my other half into my life so I could be fulfilled and find my purpose with a husband. I was encouraged to make a list of the qualities I desired in a spouse and to pray over that list. I was encouraged that “a way to a man’s heart was through his stomach” so I needed to become a good cook. I was exhorted to emulate the Proverbs 31 woman. So I learned all my housekeeping skills, financial management and business skills. It was an ideal that was difficult to live up to. 

Growing up, I was considered a “tomboy”. It was always challenging for me to like “girl” activities. I would much rather build with my brother’s legos and erector sets than play with my sister’s dolls. I would rather build forts and treehouse than play house. I’d rather be climbing trees and creek walking than sit around chatting up small talk and dressing up like a princess. So it wasn’t surprising to be told once by an evangelical that I couldn’t be part of a music ministry until I became more “lady-like” and to go ask another woman in church how to become that (which I did and that woman was very confused because she thought I was fine just the way I was)!

When I was younger, I thought I wanted to be a teacher in a school. My grandmother was a teacher and my mother was too. So I actually got a college degree in Preschool/Elementary School Education only to find myself miserable working daily with children.

This is NOT to say I disliked children, because I did and still do like children, just not all the time and definitely not as a career. I thoroughly enjoyed volunteering in Sunday school and youth ministries. And I was a mentor to many young people throughout the years. 

I later got a degree in Business Administration and was successful in the business aspects but had a hard time with the people part as it left me exhausted at the end of the day. I was a trainer in crisis intervention lay-counseling and was a very good crisis lay-counselor. But this too would leave me feeling burnt out. I was a public speaker and had numerous speaking engagements with both small and very large audiences. I was good at this and actually enjoyed this immensely, however I couldn’t make a living from this at that time. 

I eventually found , sort of a place, in the Pregnancy Center ministries because at least I could use my education, skills and gifts in a meaningful capacity. But I had never been pregnant so I could never identify with others, though I was skilled and could identify in other areas. (It was because of this ministry that I began my journey of searching for the historical church and found orthodoxy. A story for another time.)

After a PTSD breakdown, I went to a vocational school and turned my stress-relief hobby into a career and became a dog trainer. So now I am a teacher, training others how to train their dogs. 

I once had an Orthodox priest who believed in only the 2 choices and was very pushy for me to either get married or join a monastery. 

Believe me, when I explored the marriage idea, the dating scene is not for the faint of heart! I had several disastrous relationships that left me very wounded. I explored monasticism and was gently told by an Abbess that I was probably not cut out for monasticism. 

I eventually learned from this Abbess, and other godly orthodox people, that each individual has a unique vocation and calling to fulfill in our journey towards theosis, becoming like Christ. I now have a very understanding priest and very supportive godparents.

As the Apostle Paul says, “I’ve learned to be content in whatever state I am in.” (Philippians 4:11) I am not cut out to be married and never had a desire for marriage. I am not cut out to have children either.

I’m now in my 60’s and never married, no children. I am not a monastic. I still live a life of abstinence. I have a housemate whom I am her caregiver and I’m also a dog trainer. The beauty of the Orthodox life is there is no separation between secular versus sacred. Because of Christ’s incarnation, everything in life can be an act of worship, an expression of faith, an instrument for our salvation and growth in Christ. 

My godmother often reminds me on Mother’s Day that I have been a spiritual mother to many young people in my life and that one can have spiritual children simply by being an example of faithfully living the Orthodox , Christian way of life. 

There is not just two choices in living an Orthodox Christian life. In the history of the church, in other Orthodox churches around the world, and in the lives of the saints there is a huge diversity of occupations, stations of life, and vocations. There are married saints who didn’t have children. There are saints who remained single and traveled to different countries. There were wealthy women who gave money to support the church.  There were widows, mothers, nuns and the fools-for-Christ. Jesus calls all people to take up our own individual cross and follow Him.

I hope my story will encourage you and I pray you will find peace and contentment in wherever God leads you. Blessings to you in your own unique journey. 🙏☦️

Partitioning of Church Groups

One of the things I have not liked in most churches is how segmented it can become. It seems there’s a group for everything. Women’s groups, men’s groups, married groups (even young marrieds), singles groups, college groups, young adults, youth groups are also often sub-divided into high school, middle school, upper and lower elementary school, preschool, etc.

I remember being asked, why did I hang out with some of my married friends (with and without children). Once a friend who was married had been told that she shouldn’t spend time with me simply because I was single with no children. I supposedly had nothing in common with them.

Yet what my friends and I had in common were bible studying, outdoor activities, playing games, books we were reading, volunteering at a non-profit, etc.

In years past, all the women in a community would gather together to do an activity or project. Quilting, sewing, canning, cooking, etc.

The older women would pass down practical knowledge, as well as spiritual wisdom and insights. The younger women shared energy, creativity, and a fresh way to look at things. Those who were married shared about married life and those who were single would gain insight. Those who had already raised children offered encouragement and tips to those just starting a family.

Now, I see people of all walks of life trying to get answers to questions from social media, Wikipedia, Google or YouTube.

The key to good gatherings is to have a common task or project to engage in.

And contrary to modern thought, people without children can often offer insights and perspective to those with children. The same holds true when it concerns marriage. If this wasn’t true then much of the wisdom of the saints would have to be eliminated as well as most of the New Testament. Yet God’s wisdom can shine through any individual, no matter if they are married or single, with children or without, young or old, no matter their culture, background, race or gender. And as we have heard before, God uses the foolish and weak to confound the wise and strong.

We are the Body of Christ and each member of the body is important for the health of the whole. We are part of God’s family and each has an important talent to contribute.

Christian Fantasy Books I Recommend

What does a Christian read after reading the great classic fantasy books by J. R. R. Tolkien or C. S. Lewis? (Yes, I have indeed read John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, Hannah Hurnard’s Hinds Feet on High Places, Madeleine L’Engle’s books (A Wrinkle in Time, A Wind in the Door, A Swiftly Tilting Planet, Many Waters, An Acceptable Time) and Calvin Miller’s The Singer Trilogy, I did enjoy those as well.

Not too many of my friends like reading Christian fantasy books. Quite frankly many books in the genre are not as well written as the secular fantasy genre. However, there are some really good ones if you search.

So I thought I’d create a list of the ones I have found well worth the read. Feel free to comment or add your own favorites as well, but keep in mind only list Christian authors. I have purposely left off any of J. K. Rowling’s books because I don’t want to engage in the controversy or debate of whether or not she is a Christian, let alone her books. I will not be the one to judge on those, so I’ll leave it at that. I also might add, I don’t like books with too much romantic scenes and definitely not ones that get heated. Neither do I appreciate foul language. The books on this list I can say follow those guidelines. One more thing to note, most of these books can be read by young people and adults just like Tolkien or Lewis.

Here are my all-time favorites first. These books I still have and probably won’t part with.

L. B. Graham’s The Binding of the Blade series (5 Books) 1st Book: Beyond the Summerland

I love L. B. Graham’s books and have enjoyed his latest series, The Wandering, but he has not finished the series and it leaves you hanging after the first 3 books. I do hope he continues this series!

Patrick W. Carr’s Trilogy The Staff and The Sword. 1st Book: A Cast of Stones

Patrick W. Carr’s The Darkwater Saga.

Patrick W. Carr’s Christmas book: The End of the Magi

Jaye L Knight’s Ilyon Chronicles (6 books, plus some smaller additional e-books) 1st Book: Resistance.

I’ve also enjoyed reading books by the following authors:

Wayne Thomas Batson has several series out. His last series, The Myridian Chronicles, by far, is one of his best series. Unfortunately, I gave these books away and the last book in the series left the ending as a cliff hanger and I’ve no idea when he plans on finishing the next book. One could read the first three books and be satisfied. It’s when you read the fourth book that leaves you hanging. 1st book: Sword in the Stars. It was previously called The Dark Sea Annals. I’ve read a number of his other books including The Door Within Trilogy.

Jonathan Rogers’ The Wilderking Trilogy was good too. The first book: The Bark of the Bog Owl

Stephen R. Lawhead’s Dragon King Trilogy. 1st Book: In the Hall of the Dragon King

Although, I’d be cautious of Lawhead’s other books. His writing is good but some of his later books are questionable in content or at least more adult oriented. Lawhead had some clear Christian undertones to his earlier stories that get lost in his later books, so stick with early Lawhead series like this one. I did enjoy the first 3 books in the Pendragon Cycle, books 4-6 got a bit too dark for my taste. I enjoyed his books, Byzantium and The Celtic Crusades Trilogy, (these have elements of secret societies, Templar Knights and sacred relics.) I did not like his book called Patrick (fictional story of St. Patrick). I have not read The Song of Albion Trilogy, The King Raven Trilogy (loosely based on the legends of Robin Hood), The Bright Empires series, nor The Eirlandia series.

Jill Williamson’s The Kinsman Chronicles. First Book: King’s Folly

R. J. Larsen writes in an interesting style. Her books are Christian fantasy but makes you feel as though you’re in an ancient Biblical world and has similarities to the Biblical Old Testament stories. The first series is called Books of the Infinite. The second series is called Realms of the Infinite. I enjoyed all of the books and look forward to reading her most current series, Legends of the Forsaken Empire.

These others listed below I’ve enjoyed and either have passed on to others or will pass on.

Bryan M. Litfin’s Chiveis Trilogy. Book 1: The Sword

D. Barkley Briggs’ Legends of Karac Tor Book 1: The Nameless

R. S. Gullett’s Chronicles of Aletha (3 books although I only have the first two.) Book 1: The Heir Comes Forth

Nathan Keys is a new author, his first book is called: The Epic of Marindel- Chosen. The second one: Redemption is due out November 2023. He does have a short story prequel available from his website or Facebook page called Champions of Dantoneia

I’ve read a few of Morgan L. Busse books. In particular, The Ravenwood Saga that was interesting but not necessarily in my top favorites but still good. I just received the first book in another of her series The Follower of the Word, so I’ll let you know what I think.

The following books are more for younger readers. Yes, I love to read children’s books!

Years ago I read John White’s The Archives of Anthropos (6 book series) and as I recall I did enjoy them, although mainly written for young people.

M. I. McAllister’s The Mistmantle Chronicles were excellent and I still have all 5 books in this series.

S. D. Smith’s The Green Ember series.

Dragon Keepers Chronicles by Donita K. Paul

The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

The Songkeeper Chronicles by Gillian Bronte Adams

I’ve read some others over the years and many I didn’t find memorable and others either I didn’t like or had no depth.

Finally, listed below are some decent books that are not necessarily classified as Christian but have good values, the battle between good and evil, and are good wholesome reading.

Redwall series by Brian Jacques I believe there are 22 books in the series.

Castaways of the Flying Dutchman (3 book series) by Brian Jacques

Guardians of Ga’hoole by Kathyrn Lasky

The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini (although be aware has a bit of eastern mysticism).

Ranger’s Apprentice by John Flanagan

Brotherband Chronicles by John Flanagan

Ranger’s Apprentice: Royal Ranger by John Flanagan

Hope you enjoy this list. If I run across any others, I’ll be sure to add an update.

A Christian’s Response in the Midst of Pandemics, Politics and Chaos

I’m so tired of all the controversy over the pandemic, politics, riots, chaos, and controversies. As Christians, we are to seek the middle path the “Royal Way” as St. John Cassian (who lived in the 4th century) encourages us to do. Not be led by extremism on either side.

Let us not live in fear and neither let us live in anger, rebellion, pride, or be distracted by “our rights”, “our “freedoms” or the “cares of this world”. As Christians we are called to lay down our rights, the only true freedom is found in serving Christ. The cares of this world will only entangle and snare us.

Rather let us live in love for God and love for others. There are some who will live carelessly, there are some who live cautiously. Let us walk in love, dying to self, surrendering our lives to Christ & giving ourselves in service and love to our neighbors.

Speaking specifically about all the videos, these facts and statistics are outdated and incorrect almost as soon as they’re posted. There are so many videos and messages spreading information and misinformation that causes either dissensions, accusations, fears, and doubts.

The bigger picture is that we do not battle flesh and blood but spiritual powers and principalities. We are facing a greater spiritual battle, one in which the enemy of our souls wishes to cause divisions, fears, protests, distrust, self-preservation, self-interest, materialism, and more.

Please don’t get caught up in all this stuff. The Lord God, King of the Universe, has allowed for these rulers over us at this time in our lives. Let us obey the laws of the land so long as they do not violate the law of God which is love. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the eternal things, the fruits of the Holy Spirit, in Galatians 6 and the love as explained in 1 Corinthians 13.

Scriptures encourage us to look out for the “weaker” brother, to be examples for the children, to not be a cause for them or anyone to stumble. As Christians we must ask ourselves, how can I care for the “least of these”. If our fellow brother or sister is fearful, how can we put them at peace? If I have a sickly relative or an elderly parent how can I protect them? If I have a friend out of work and needs help, how can I be a servant to them?

All this other “stuff” is nothing compared to the eternal values of the Kingdom of God. We must ask ourselves constantly if what I say, think or do is profitable for my soul and the soul of my brother or sister.

I fail everyday with this, but I keep pressing on to the upward call in Christ Jesus.

There is nothing new under the sun, says the writer of Ecclesiastes. During the time of the book of the Acts of the Apostles, there was famine, plague, persecution. We must follow the example of the apostles who didn’t get involved in the things of this world, but rather went about the work of the Kingdom sharing the Gospel in spite of the turmoil in the world.

They didn’t share the political news, they didn’t share social media news, they didn’t share the latest controversies. They shared the Gospel, the Good News, and they died to self, sharing their very lives and laying down their lives for the sake of others.

In this world we will have tribulations but be of good cheer for Jesus has overcome the world and gives us peace. (John 16:33)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

(Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Be at peace, live in peace my friends and family. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.

In addition to the scripture quotes already mentioned, here are some quotes from St. Seraphim of Sarov to ponder and put in practice:

“Acquire the Spirit of Peace and a thousand souls around you will be saved.”

“You cannot be too gentle, too kind. Shun even to appear harsh in your treatment of each other. Joy, radiant joy, streams from the face of him who gives and kindles joy in the heart of him who receives.”

“All condemnations is from the devil. Never condemn each other…instead of condemning others, strive to reach inner peace.”

“Keep silent, refrain from judgment. This will raise you above the deadly arrows of slander, insult, and outrage and will shield your glowing hearts against all evil.”

Amen

Wabi-Sabi… an Unusual Way to View the World

Interesting article on a Japanese way to view the world. I found this intriguing and so very similar to the Eastern Christian Orthodox way of thinking, especially as it relates to perfectionism.

So often as Christians we struggle with what Jesus said and reaffirmed by the apostles in the New Testament “…be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48 KJV)

Here are two quotes to pique your interest and give you food for thought:

“…the term ‘perfect’, which stems from the Latin perfectus, meaning complete, has been placed on an undeserved pedestal in many cultures, especially the West. Prioritising flawlessness and infallibility, the ideal of perfection creates not only unachievable standards, but misguided ones. In Taoism, since no further growth or development can take place, perfection is considered equivalent to death. While we strive to create perfect things and then struggle to preserve them, we deny their very purpose and subsequently lose the joys of change and growth.”

“The dents and scratches we bear are all reminders of experience, and to erase them would be to ignore the complexities of life. By retaining the imperfect, repairing the broken and learning to find beauty in flaws – rather than in spite of them – Japan’s ability to cope with the natural disasters it so often faces is strengthened.”

Wabi-sabi offers a refuge from the modern world’s obsession with perfection, and accepts imperfections as all the more meaningful – and in their own way, beautiful. http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20181021-japans-unusual-way-to-view-the-world

What’s That You’re Worshipping?

WHAT’S THAT YOU’RE WORSHIPPING?
© DECEMBER 10, 1984

What’s that you’re worshipping is it a person or car?
What is on your pedestal? Is it the best by far?

What about your diamond dreams, the riches, the fantasies
We hold on to things that fade… things we hold so precious it seems.

Well, the storms will come and the winds will blow.
The things that you worship will crumble and go.
And when the fire comes what will you have?
The things of the world will just burn in your hand.

And ashes to ashes, and dust to dust… What doesn’t burn is sure to rust.
And the only thing that’s left to stand, is what we build on the Rock and not sand.

You can have all that money can buy.
You can be an intellect if you try.
You can win your friends and be so wise.
But like the fool you too will die.

You’re friends with the world and enemies of Him.
Lay down your arms and be His friend.
Open your heart, cast down your things.
Give room for Him and worship the King.

Then the storms will come and the winds will blow.
Keep your eyes on Him, He won’t let you go.
And when the fire comes will melt I’m told.
But from these rocks we’ll turn into gold.

And ashes to ashes, and dust to dust… What doesn’t burn is a crown for us.
And the only thing that’s left to stand, is what we build on the Rock and not sand.

The Blessing of Babel and Pentecost

Pentecost, the birth of the Church (unknown artist, Catholic Icon/Painting)


On Sunday (June 18th, 2019), was Pentecost according to the Eastern Orthodox Church. (It was Pentecost the previous Sunday in the Catholic & Protestant Churches). Pentecost was the day the Church was born; the day the Holy Spirit descended like tongues of fire & empowered the followers of Jesus to preach & spread the Good News, the Gospel of Jesus and His healing, redemptive work. (Acts 2:1-11)

As this special Sunday came closer in the days that had followed Easter/Pascha, I began to remember and reflect on a message I had heard at a conference a few years ago, (October 4th, 2015) by speaker/preacher Micah Bournes.

In this message, Micah addresses racism, cultural diversity, and unity in a very thoughtful and compelling manner full of respect, humility, humor and sensitivity. It is also a message that is very challenging and from a perspective unlike others I had heard before.

So I emailed Micah and inquired if there was any video or audio recordings of this message, based on the Biblical text of the story of the building of the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11:1-9).

Hendrik van Cleve III, Tower of Babel, 16th century
Micah Bournes, Fight Evil with Poetry


I felt as I did then, this message is desperately needed and necessary even more so than just a few years ago.

Please take the time to listen to this message and ask God what He might say to you personally.

Here is the link to the audio recording The Blessing of Babel that was presented at a conference in Redding, California at The Stirring Church.

Micah Bournes is from Long Beach California.He is also a graduate of The Moody BibleInstitute. Ever since I encountered Micah’s unique talents, I have followed and enjoyed his unique methods of sharing what God has placed in his heart to offer to others.

Micah is a creative man of faith. In addition to performing poetry, the “Spoken Word” and music, he often speaks and teaches on creative writing, pursuing justice, and the way of Jesus. Micah has been able to share his passions and gifts all over the world.

His website can be found at: MicahBournes.com.

His YouTube channelis: https://www.youtube.com/user/micahbournes.

He can alsobe found on BandCamp at: https://micahbournes.bandcamp.com/

and finally his Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/MicahBournes/