Category Archives: Random Thoughts

His Relentless, Unfailing Love

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Lord Help Me Make it ThroughYears have passed since I first found Christ, or rather since Christ found me.
Yes, Christ found me and I rebelled at first, then finally bowed my knee.  I claimed Him as my Savior and Lord, my God and my Master.  No other God would I serve.
But since that day, long ago, my feet have trodden many a time in places forbidden and dark.  I, so often, have been drawn away to other masters, other gods who gave enticing yet deceptive treats that when grasped would crumble into dust; or when eaten turned bitter and full of bile when swallowed.
So, I have paid the price of tasting forbidden fruit.  I have suffered the pain of grabbing thorns.  I have known the shackles of fierce demons unrelenting in their torture.  In fear and darkness, anxiety and unforgiveness, I walked through the valleys of the shadow of death.
​In the depths of despair, I heard footsteps pursuing me.  Afraid of the Presence of God, I hid but being so exhausted and tired, I surrendered to His One pursuit.  I collapsed in His arms, not caring if He would slay me, for death itself would be better than living in the squalor and mire I was now in.
​I cried out, “Lord, save me, deliver me, have mercy.”  Then a light began to burn and the Presence of Whom I had surrendered to was the One I had always longed for.  The Lord Jesus was the One who had been pursuing me relentlessly and never ending.  He enveloped me in His arms.  His love washing over me like wave after wave, cleansing, healing, forgiving.
God — I thought He was a fierce Master and a Lord that I could never appease.  He was truly fierce and worthy of respect — for He was all powerful, so holy.  Now, for the first time, I was given fresh revelation.  Just as fierce was His righteousness, His love was equally fierce.  I now surrendered to the lover of my soul.
​I remember when I was young in Christ, visions and dreams enveloped my nights.  By day, I was filled with an insatiable desire, an unquenchable thirst and hunger for God.  I had a gnawing ache deep within that I was called to a purpose — a great and mighty plan.  I’ve caught glimpses of His plans.  I am still not sure what it all means.   I am not sure about the why’s, what’s, or the when’s.  His ways are always higher than mine.  His ways are past finding out.  ​God has given many gifts, skills and talents all I need is a desire to try and do my best for Him and surrender those gifts to Hitoshi use or not to use.  I am so very thankful and so very blessed.  It seems the Lover of my soul continues to shower me with His incredible treasures.
​I am learning submission and obedience within God’s will.  I can trust God to work all for good.  I am learning more and more the balance between grace and obedience.  I am learning evermore the depths and the heights of His great love, mercy, forgiveness and grace.
I am also learning that with the joy there is also the fellowship of His suffering.  That love often bears a cross and a crown of thorns.  But love never loses focus of the goal and will always prevail and endure.
​I believe in trusting God with my future and leaving it in His hands.  For I have learned that just when I think I know — that is when I am most ignorant.  It is better to be like Mary, the mother of Jesus, and ponder the things in my heart than it is to speak too hastily.
​I cannot help but wonder at the past events of my life.  How does it all fit together in God’s plan?  I do not know.  I do know that He has called me away many times and says to me, “Come away my beloved.  Come and learn of me.  Spend time alone in my presence.  Let Me love you.  Let Me fill you with Myself.”
​When a person is a child and his friends reject him the adult world says, “go and make new friends” or “that’s okay, you’ll find other friends.”  Someone hurts her or calls her a name and the adult world says, “sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you.”
As a child becomes a teen and “falls in love”  they call it “puppy love”  but when the first break-up occurs the adult world says, “you’ll get over it”  or “there are other fish in the sea.”
When friends hurt and we don’t fit in, others say, “they probably weren’t your real friends anyway” or “you’re better off without them.”
Finally, there comes a time when we are the adults.  Mom and Dad are no longer there to run to and we have no answers.  They are not there to hold us or wipe the tears from our eyes.  We get hurt, cry on our pillow, then try and remember all those sayings we were told as a child.  Yet, it doesn’t take the pain away anymore.
But, did it really ever help before?
Maybe, it merely would hide it for awhile… until the next time.
What do they really tell us?

  • Cover it up…
  • Forget it…
  • Bury it…
  • It’s all over…
  • You’ll get over it…

What good were all those sayings?
​Many times my walls have gone up… walls of bitterness, mistrust, unforgiveness and hurt.  I have made silent vows of: not letting anyone get too close; not letting myself become vulnerable; not letting anyone see me as I really am; not willing to love wholeheartedly.
​But God’s relentless, pursuing love starts calling, wooing, and melting those walls.  His love begins to permeate once again my heart, my life.  I begin reaching out, touching others, loving again.
​His love — it’s beautiful; it’s wonderful; it’s a sweet aroma, an enriching fragrance.  I am lifted, refreshed, strengthened and renewed!  My hope is built.  My faith is encouraged.  My trust is renewed.  My heart is softened.  I learn to love again.
​Then it happens, my heart is tested by those very same areas that hurt, those same words, those same actions, the same pain, the same wound — reopened all over again.  The only thing that may be different is the people have different names or faces.  I tend to slip into disillusionment, despair, disappointment.  Feeling rejected, lost, hurt, hopeless and lonely.  The loneliness is the part we all hate.  The loneliness we can feel even when we’re in a crowd.
May those lonely times drive me to the Lord Jesus Christ, the only one who can satisfy a lonely heart, fulfill my deepest longings, heal the wounds of pain.
As I stop seeking and pursuing after worldly pleasures and turn my efforts and affections toward the love of God will I find fulfillment.
As I let go of all memories, all the people, all the hurts, all the longings, will I find my heart satisfied.
In losing my life, I find it.  In giving, I receive.  In dying, only then shall I live.  Sticks and stones may kill the body, but they cannot kill the soul.
There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  There is a friend that will never leave nor depart.  There is a friend whose love will never change.
So, I have sought Him often alone — but not often enough.  I know He desires me more than I Him, but that will probably always be that way.  I feel as though I have been in a desert and yet I have not been forsaken.  There is hidden beauty in the desert.  I believe I have passed from a romantic feeling of love into a deep and abiding lasting love that goes far beyond feelings and into a deep sense of knowing.
​I am at peace and am content with God.  I feel comfortable with my relationship and settled.  Yet, at the same time, paradoxically, I am restless, hungry, thirsty.  I am satisfied but ever yearning for more of Him.  I am in pursuit of God, yet at rest.
​Yes, I have made up my mind.  I will continue on this path, wherever the Lord may lead.  I will stick with my God, my Lord, the one I love and am learning to love over and over again in fresh and new ways.  I plan on hanging in through all the trials.  I will not run from fear.  I will face whatever the future may bring and take the risk of bearing a cross.
​I may stumble, but I will go on.  Ultimately, my deepest longings will be fulfilled and I will accomplish His purpose to which I’ve been called.  Only by walking through the desert can I expect to enter that promised land.  Like Jacob I will hold on until I receive the blessing.  Even if, in holding on, it may appear to my natural eyes that I am crippled some way, in the end, every good thing has a price.
​If I fail to hear God’s voice and find myself lost along the way, even in my wanderings I will be okay.  I know that my Lord Jesus, is the Good Shepherd and will pursue and seek me.  I can trust in God, alone, who can redeem anything that is lost including wayward dreams.  He can make mistakes turn for good.  He can make the foolish become wise — the strong become weak and the weak become strong.  He can redeem the years that the locusts have eaten.  He can bring beauty out of ashes and turn mourning into joy.  He holds all things in His hands.  He is sovereign and will accomplish His purpose and work in my life what He desires.  So, I can face the future with assurance and hope.  I am bathed and washed in His goodness and love.
​Praise His name forevermore.  He will keep me as the apple of His eye and hide me in the shelter of His wings.  He is my God and I will be His servant forever!  Not by my might, nor by my power, but by the grace of His Spirit!
Come to the one who is the lover of your soul.  Come to the one who loves with a never ending, ever enduring, everlasting love.  There is a Savior who will be with us in the deepest seas of despair, the darkest night of loneliness, the great chasm of pain.  Jesus has felt the pain.  He has known the agony.  He has experienced the sorrow
​In Him and through Him we can reach out.  By Him and because of Him we can love again.  Because nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord except our own selves. We know that His perfect love will cast out all fear.  Then the world will know we are His disciples by our love!
​”Lord of love, fill us with more of You!”

“WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?”

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“Oh Lord, how long must I call for help before You will listen? I shout to You in vain; there is no answer. “Help! Murder!” I cry, but no one comes to save. Must I forever see this sin and sadness all around me? Where I look there is oppression and bribery and men who love to argue and to fight. The law is not enforced and there is no justice given in the courts; for the wicked far outnumber the righteous, and bribes and trickery prevail.” (Habakkuk 1:2-4 TLB)

​It is so easy to lose sight of our purpose, get off track, forget the dreams, goals and visions that the Lord has given us. It is so easy to feel defeated when we experience failings, fallings and struggles. We can look around us and grow discouraged when evil abounds and the small battles we win, seem to never get us very far, because for every small ground we take, it feels as though the enemy has still more. These feelings are true in our individual lives, and we are not alone, (though we may feel like we are), it is true in our families, it is true in our ministries, it is true in our workplace, it is true all around us.
The prophet, Habakkuk looked around him and all he saw was evil, destruction, wickedness abounding. He grew discouraged and cried out to the Lord. Habakkuk was called to be a prophet to a nation whose heart was far from God. Idolatry was everywhere, horrible abominations were being committed even to the point of parents sacrificing their children as burnt offerings to false gods. He cried out, “Where is God?”
As I look around today, I see the same things going on described by Habakkuk. Lawlessness, the murder of children, violence, bribes, oppression, idolatry, abounds in a “nation under God”. In the battle for life, Christians have grown weary. Many have lost the fire, have grown discouraged, given up or become complacent. Many ministries are now struggling. Many businesses & organizations are struggling. Meanwhile the demons continue to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus warns the body of Christ, in the book of Revelation, to rekindle our first love, to not be lukewarm, to be diligent and persevering in the faith. “He who endures to the end shall be saved”.
​For many, the battle has grown long and we are weary. “Where is God?” Habakkuk has an answer:

“I will stand my watch and set myself watch to see what He (God) will say to me” (Habakkuk 2:1 NKJV)

​We need to continue to stand watch, we need to continue to set ourselves on the rampart, we need to watch and see what God will say. We need to wait upon the Lord, and not be found too busy and not be found asleep. A.W. Tozer once said:

“Many are too preoccupied to hear or heed. They never allow God’s call to become a reason for decision. Their relationship with God never becomes a personal encounter. As a result, they live out their entire lives insisting that they never heard any call from God. The answer to that is plain. God has been trying to get through to them, but their line is always busy! They are engrossed in a host of worldly pursuits. We have no time to answer God when He calls. When the important matters of the soul are at stake, the most useful thing we can do is to do nothing, even if only for a short time. There are times when we can go the fastest by not going at all. We can go farthest by standing still for a while. Then, too, we can talk the loudest by not saying a word. We will not be taking the Lord by surprise; He will speak His message.”

“Then the LORD answered me and said: ‘Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.'” (Habakkuk 2: 2-3 NKJV)

​Then, when the Lord speaks, write it down, read it, run with it, wait patiently for it. In other words, when God speaks, we need to put our faith into action. Those that love the Lord, keep his commandments, true love for God is evidence by obedience to His call. Oswald Chambers says:

“Have I received a ministry from the Lord? If so, I have to be loyal to it, to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry. There is no choice of service, only absolute loyalty to Our Lord’s commission. The call is loyalty to the ministry you received when you were in real touch with Him.”

Be faithful to the call that God has given you, though it tarries wait for it. In Hebrews 11, we read of the heroes of faith that did great and mighty things for God and yet in verse 39 we read, “and all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise.” God had something better planned for them and for us! They still hung on to a future hope. We are then encouraged in Hebrews 12:1-2 “…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and the finisher of our faith…”
​For those of you who have thought you hadn’t heard the call of God on your life, find a quiet place. Open the ears of your heart to His still small voice. Let God share His heart with you, He has been waiting.
For those of you who have labored long, you too need to find a quiet place, go sit up on the wall, watch and see what God will say to your questions of “Why?” “How Long?” “Where are You, God?” “Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; For your work shall be rewarded, says the LORD.” (Jeremiah 31:16 NKJV)
​My brothers and sisters, seek the Lord once again, He will be found if you seek with your whole heart; ask and He will give an answer; knock and you will see doors open. He who is called you is faithful to complete the work He has begun in you.

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Seek first…

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“Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love, of kindness, of understanding, of peace. Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God – the rest will be given.” – Mother Theresa

Too often I find myself caught up in the worries, concerns, and stresses of every day life. I found myself even more so throughout this past holiday season. Struggling with health concerns and as a result not able to work as often as I would have liked or needed to which then resulted in not enough finances to meet bills and basic necessities.
Sometimes God gives us strength and health to take care of things. Other times He allows us to be weak in order for us to rely on His strength and the strength of others. I too often find myself leaning on my own strength, trying to pull myself up by my own “bootstraps” so to speak. Yet when I lean on Jesus, trusting Him in ALL things, the strength of the Lord is often revealed in the strength of His body, the Church.
So I am humbled by not being the giver, but being the one given to. I am blessed by not being the one to lean on, but the one who needs others to lean on.
God is faithful even when I am weak, doubting, struggling, falling and getting up again & again. Because of the Lord’s mercies all my needs are met.
My family and friends are blessed not by what I give them in the way of material gifts, but they are blessed by my prayers, by my love, by just being me. So I will continue to raise my funds of love, understanding, care and by God’s grace His peace.
Thank you for allowing me to be honest, to be real, to be me.

Light in the Darkness

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People often find the darkness inside an Orthodox church a bit disturbing. I have heard other Orthodox Christians mention various reasons as to why this is so: to help us focus, to distance ourselves from the distractions of the world and other reasons. To others it just seems to be a place of darkness and with the darkness it seems on the surface to be contrary to what we think it should. After all shouldn’t being in Church be a place of light?
As the Nativity fast is soon upon us, my thoughts were turning toward preparing my heart for the coming of the Nativity of our Lord God and Savior in the flesh. That wonderful time of year that is for Christians a time of reflecting and remembering the birth of Jesus – Christmas. The Nativity season doesn’t end “officially” in the church until Theophany also know as Epiphany. This season is known as the festival of lights.
As a child raised in a Lutheran Church, we, as a family looked forward to the Advent services and especially the Christmas Eve services. During each Advent service we would light one special candle on Sunday to again prepare our hearts. Then came the midnight Christmas Eve services which usually started around 11:00 in the evening and it would end on or a bit after midnight. During this service all the lights in the church were extinguished and then each of the Advent candles were lit with a special Scripture reading. Finally it came time to light the Christ candle. Upon the Christ candle being lit, the Pastor would take his own individual candle and light his candle from the Christ candle. The Pastor would then light one of the candles of one of the other members of the church, who in turn would pass the lighting on to another, until each one of us had our own individually lit candle. By the time everyone had their own candle lit, the room was no longer dark. We were no longer sitting or standing in darkness.
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined.”  Isaiah 9:2, The Holy Bible, New King James Version
“Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people but the Lord will arise over you and His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising.”  Isaiah 60:1-3, The Holy Bible, New King James Version
Jesus said of Himself that He was the Light of the World. The scriptures have numerous references to God and especially the God-man Jesus of being light and in Him is no darkness. As Christians we are exhorted to let the life of Christ, the light of Christ, shine out of our own hearts and lives.
We have many artistic renditions of the Nativity with some very common themes that illustrate the Nativity story in paintings, sculptures and in the Orthodox Church icons. It is the Nativity icon I find many expressions of darkness contrasting light. The cave in which Christ is born is pictured dark and out of the darkness the light of Christ is shining. It was dark in the sky until Angels appeared and lit up the sky. And let’s not forget the magnificent Star, the Magi from the east followed to where the baby Jesus lay.
In the services of the Orthodox Church there are many reminders to help teach us eternal truths. One of the reminders is a darkened church. There is light in the surroundings, but the lights are strategically placed in front of icons in the form of candles: in the memorial boxes and small oil lamps (lampadas). There is usually a big light such as a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. In the evening Vespers service the candles and lampadas are lit, but the overhead lighting is off, until a certain moment when we sing a song that begins with “O Gentle Light of the glorious…”
I am not an Orthodox “expert” by any means, so hear are my humble thoughts on these expressions of contrasting light and darkness. Jesus came into a dark world as the Light of the world. Each time a candle is lit in front of an icon we remember the particular saint or angel as one who has the light of Christ dwelling in them. The “halo” around various saints and angels reflects the glory of God shining from their faces and their lives.
So much more symbolism in the candles, the flames, oil burning in the lampadas, everything to remind us that although we are in a dark world, we have the light of Christ with us always. And just as the light from the Christ candle is One glorious light – it is still passed on person to person. So the next time you find yourself surrounded by darkness look for the light, perhaps bring a light to someone else in darkness. Where do we get this light? We receive the light from the Lord Jesus Christ himself who even the darkness, the darkness is light to Him.

Trials pass God through to me

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“There is nothing-no circumstances, no trouble, no testing-that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has come past God and Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose.” Alan Redpath

This quote was found in a fiction book I was reading and it really struck me at how true this is. If I can only remember that all things in my life God works together for good and for a good purpose for me. Most often it is in the trials of life that I grow the most in character and into the person that God wants me to be.

Too often I see negative things come my way and I have negative thinking that goes along with it. In light of this being “Easter Monday” I am reminded that the darkness of the cross was actually a triumphant act and especially in light of the resurrection. I am always trying to put myself in the shoes of the followers of Christ on Good Friday and how they must have felt to see Perfect Love crucified – without the knowledge of the coming resurrection. I have experienced loss, grief and death, but I have the knowledge and the hope of resurrection.

If I can hold fast to the Faith, then I can get through my own little crosses in this life with the hope and joy of resurrection.

Christ is Risen! In Truth, indeed He is Risen!

The Gift of Time

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 Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Fourth of July, the end of the summer and the beginning of another school year… time flies.  Time… the one gift we all have in common… the one thing we all have equal amounts given to us.  Time… we have all that we are going to ever get but something we never seem to have enough of.  The Word of God exhorts us to redeem the time.  We should be good stewards of all our resources especially our time.  Once we spend our time, it is gone forever.  We can not count on tomorrow.  It may never come.  We are to look to each day and make wise use of the time that God has now given us.
 As these thoughts come to mind, I am fully aware of how much time I waste every day, every hour, every moment.  How much time do I spend in prayer?  How much time do I spend in the Word?  How much time do I spend with those I love?  How much time do I spend in front of the television, play computer games, read the newspaper, or waste away.
I have been extremely discouraged lately, it seems I never have “enough time” to get all the things done that I want to do.  People just do not have “enough time” to give anymore.  The truth is, we do have “enough time”.  God has given us plenty of time.  He has given us all the time that we will ever need.  It comes down to priorities… do we use our time as God would have us?  Ouch!  Truth hurts!  Bottom line… we all have “enough time”.  It is how we choose to spend our time that shows us our hearts.

Mike in 1969 7 mos


The issue of time was brought very close to my heart.  My brother, Michael, was 26 years old and died in an accident in the mountains near Weaverville.  My brother, Michael and I were very, very close.  He had always struggled in his walk with the Lord.  The week before his death, he came through Redding from Sacramento to visit.  He was struggling again (here we go again, it seemed he was always struggling).  He was very confused about the direction he should take in his life.  He shared many personal, heart issues that, to my knowledge he had not shared with others.  We played games and talked.  Later, we listened to some of his favorite songs and then somehow the conversation turned to his reason for leaving Sacramento and why he was headed to Weaverville.  He told me he did not know what he was going to do, but he knew one thing, he was going to get away from everything and everyone that was hounding him and seek God in prayer for answers.
 The day before he died, he confessed his belief in the Lord Jesus Christ and he planned to go to church the next day.  He died less than 24 hours later. Michael’s time on earth ended.  Time, he did not know that he had so little time left — neither did I.
Mike and Kat 1994

Mike and me in 1994


Up to this time, I had not experienced the death of a loved one yet, let alone the death of someone so very close and dear to my heart.  With his death, God was a very real comfort to me.  The Lord rekindled my passion and fire for to live a pure life pleasing to Him and to reflect the light of Christ in me.  My deep passion and concern for lost or wandering souls deepened.  Death is a reminder that we do not always have tomorrow.  Death is a reminder that we need to always keep mindful to be faithful with the time we have and to redeem the time.  When I last hugged my brother and told him I loved him…  I did not know it was going to be the last time.  I almost made excuses.  His visit was unexpected.  I was busy and had other plans.  I thought, “I don’t have time.”  That day I felt God’s urgency that I needed to take the time for my brother.  Looking back, I am so glad I did.  I almost missed a very precious moment and memory.  I realize it was the Holy Spirit prompting me with the urgency and importance to drop all my plans.  How many times, have I missed the Spirit’s quiet calls?  I praise God that I did not miss that one.  I had a chance to comfort and encourage my brother, tell him I loved him no matter what, I had a chance to put my arms around him and hug him — for the last time.
 At the graveside services, the minister’s closing prayer had these words, “Thank you Lord for the gift of death”.  I though to myself how morbid.  He went on to say that the “gift of death” is a reminder to those of us who are alive that the time we have is a precious gift.  Death reminds us to say, “I love you” to those we love and not put it off to tomorrow, for we may not have tomorrow.  Death reminds us that “today is the day of salvation, now is the time”.  How many people do I get a chance to comfort, encourage, or simply share a smile or a hug?  How many times do I put off making a telephone call, or writing a letter, or saying those words of healing, hope and love to someone?  Help me Lord to be obedient to your gently leading.  Help me Lord, to take the time, to make the time, to redeem the time with everyone I meet.
(© August 1995 although first published in a local Christian newspaper, I have been reflecting on these thoughts again as April comes around once again. The month of my brother’s birthday. He would have been 42 years old and though “time” has eased some of the sharpness of the pain… I still find myself missing him, grieving him and I am once again reminded of the importance of family, friends and taking the time.)

Christmas Letter 2009

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Natvity Scene
Eastern Christian Orthodox Nativity Icon

For Unto Us a Child is Born… Unto Us a Son is Given!

 “Thy Nativity, O Christ our God, has shone to the world as the light of wisdom. For by it those who worshipped the starts were taught by a star to worship Thee the Son of Righteousness, and to know Thee, the Wisdom from on high.” (Nativity Troparion) 

“The Virgin today gives birth to the Transcendent One, and the earth offers a cave to the Unapproachable One. Angels and shepherds glorify Him, and wise men journey with a star. For a young Child is born for us, Who is the eternal God.” (Nativity Kontakion) 

The above are Eastern Christian Orthodox Hymns on the Celebration of the Nativity of our Lord and God and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Dear Family & Friends, 

 I can not believe how quickly Christmas is approaching and another year is coming quickly to an end. As usual, I can honestly say my life is not dull and I have had another “interesting” year. I have kept quite busy more than the past several years. I have had my share of trials, and yet many of my friends and family have had suffered far greater than I. Again, I have so much to be thankful to God for. As I reflect back on this past year I am reminded of God’s faithfulness and that He ALWAYS answers prayer. I know God is faithful and is truly Emmanuel, “God is with us”. He has truly been with me even in my stumbling, my falling, my stubbornness, my foolish pride, in spite of it all… He is still with me. I can look back and see His hand guiding me, supporting me and comforting me even in my darkest days. 

It has been 7 years since I left the Pregnancy Center and I am still officially considered “disabled” and unable to work a “regular” part-time job. Still in spite of the day to day changes and all the unplanned ups and downs. God is still teaching me to make the most of each day that He has given and just because I may not be “doing anything” I can still pray and worship my Creator. 

I had my third year anniversary with Petco as a Dog Trainer this past October. I am the only Dog Trainer at our Petco facility and I can honestly say I get to go to work and play with dogs and meet all kinds of new people! I am also still plugging away at my other business of building websites and doing the occasional business consulting or some other odd job. I still continue to housesit (rather check in on and take care of) Jan’s 4 Cockatiel birds and take care of plants, yard, pool, and anything else while her and her husband travel off and on throughout the year. 

Sometime in late January or February (I can’t remember) I fell out of a tree while trimming some errant dead branches. So I began another round of Physical Therapy and although I have two bulging discs one of which was torn, after going through Physical Therapy, my back is in better shape than it has been in years. 

In March, the California Department of Vocational Rehabilitation authorized retraining and education for me to attend the Animal Behavior College to become a Professional Dog Trainer (technically that is what I am at Petco) but this will in the future open doors of opportunity for having either potential growth via Petco or branch out on my own a bit more. I finished the online and book learning in August and began my externship with a Dog Training Mentor in September. I finished phase one of three before the rains and the weather permitted anymore. I hope to finish the last two phases early spring. I also hope to begin my volunteer requirements with the Shasta County Animal Control after the first of the year. When my externship and volunteer phases are completed, I will then take my final exam. I hope to continue with my dog training education in working with Shelter dogs and rehabilitating problem behavior dogs and dogs who have aggression issues. 

During the Spring/Summer of this past year I taught Agility classes for the Nor Cal Dog Training Club and had a great time. Also with the Nor Cal Dog Club and through my own dog training business, me and a few friends of mine did some demonstrations at some local elementary schools in April and June. We did Obedience, Agility, Flyball and Tracking demos. It was lots of fun for the dogs, the kids and us! 

I have also been busy doing demos or having informational booths at various “animal/dog” events in and around my community. 

In April, I had an info booth and offered the AKC Canine Good Citizenship (CGC) testing for the annual “Love Your Pet Expo” a benefit for local animal rescue groups. My Shetland Sheepdog, Dani Joy, did some Agility and Flyball demos at this event and had a great time. 

In May, I participated in the Haven Humane Society’s Dog-a-thon. 

In August, I did some demos with 2 other dog trainers in the area at the Open House for the Wild Horse Sanctuary in Manton (near Shingletown east of Redding). Unfortunately, Dani Joy ended up with a foxtail embedded in her chest wall and had to have surgery as it was headed to the heart/lung cavity. Thankfully, she is doing great now. Also in August, I had an informational booth with Petco at a fundraising event called “Woofstock” a benefit for a local animal rescue group. 

In September, I coordinated a demo event for the Nor Cal Dog Training Club at the annual Honey Bee Festival in Palo Cedro where we did Agility, Rally Obedience, and Flyball demonstrations. My two Shetland Sheepdogs (Shelties) Patrick Ryan and Dani Joy showed off their stuff in Flyball and Dani Joy got her picture in the Palo Cedro newspaper. My Italian Greyhound Skippy did some beginning Agility at the demo as well. Also in September, I went to the 2nd Annual Chico Canine Carnival, a benefit for Animal rescues in Butte County. I offered the AKC CGC testing and my dogs did Flyball demos. I was supposed to do some Flyball demos and some more AKC CGC testing for the Siskiyou Paws for Walk fundraising event that same month, but ended up coming down sick. 

In October, I coordinated a dog-sport community event in Anderson called “Pawsibilities Unleashed” where we had numerous dog trainers, dog sporting activities and animal rescue groups putting on demonstrations, offering information and encouraging responsible dog ownership. 

After that event ended, I resigned from the Nor Cal Dog Club. I am now also an inactive member with my flyball team the Gold Coast Flyers. 

I am very focused on working at Petco, getting my education and certifications needed for being a dog trainer. 

Still on the subject of dogs… over Memorial Day Weekend I traveled down to my dad’s home in El Dorado, CA and went to the “Hangtown Kennel Club’s Dog Show” where I had Patrick Ryan entered for 3 days in competition Rally Obedience (Rally “O” for short). He came home with 2 qualifying scores. He needed 3 to get a Rally Novice title, unfortunately, his owner (me) messed up – always “handler error” – and it was his best performance of the weekend and my dad and step-mom, Marti were there to cheer me on and take pictures. 

In the second week of June, I went to a four day dog show in Gridley, CA and entered both Dani Joy and Patrick Ryan in Rally “O”. Dani Joy got her title in Rally Novice on the fourth day. Patrick Ryan got his Rally Novice on the first day, and 2 qualifying scores on the 2nd and 3rd day, in Rally Advance, however, like the last show, Patrick did a “star” performance but once again – handler error! So we need another show to get his title in Rally Advanced. I was still so very proud of them! 

Skippy got his AKC Canine Good Citizenship while we were at the Chico Canine Carnival in September, which is his first step in any kind of event. I hope next year to enter him into Rally “O” and by the way, he is finally house-trained! Skippy will be 4 years old in March. He still has some behavioral issues to work through like “resource guarding” he thinks EVERYTHING belongs to him, the living room, Dee, the cats, the toys, the yard, etc. 

Patrick just turned 10 years old this past week. He is showing more of his age and he is losing a bit of his hearing. But he is still as smart as a whip. He is now learning new tricks and I am thinking of taking up the sport of Canine Freestyle (a.k.a. doggie dancing). 

Dani Joy will turn 7 years old in January and is still the live wire as ever. Although she has mellowed just a touch enough to focus more on commands and do her Rally “O” and a few tricks too! 

Dee still has her 2 beautiful Havana Brown Cats, Alexandria Rose, better known as “Buppie,” and Misty Rose. They will both be 5 years after the first of the New Year. They still play and chase each other around the house like a couple of kittens. Shawn who was a rescue kitten grew into one big BOY and was terrorizing the other two so he was placed into another home. 

Our newest addition arrived at our home Wednesday afternoon, December 9th, via an animal rescue group from the Burney/Fall River Mills area. They brought to our home a 10 month old male pup named “Bingo” who is ¾ Australian Kelpie and ¼ Queensland Heeler. He is a FOSTER dog that I am helping to rehabilitate so he goes with me to Petco and helps me teach my dog classes. He came from an elderly man who had beaten the dog and threw him outside in 6 below zero weather.  He had no fenced in yard in the mountains and the dog was often found running along the side of the roads and freeway. He was terribly mistreated and the rescue group had been trying to get the man to surrender the dog to them for quite some time. The rescue group paid to have him neutered in November and he got at least a Rabies shot, but hadn’t had any other vaccinations. He was starving for love and attention and terribly neglected. He is very smart and learns commands very quickly. 

It is a delight to work with such a sweet dog. It is also sad to see him belly crawl and cringe and the slightest movement that reminds him of his mistreatment. He had never been on a leash, been in a crate and stayed outside most of the time. He is now wearing a harness and is walking on a leash beautifully, is crate trained, knows several basic commands and gets along with all the other animals except Skippy and Buppie, who don’t like him, but Bingo is smart enough to stay out of their way. 

I will keep working with him at least through January and see him through his second set of vaccinations and get him ready for adoption, with nice manners when he is ready to be placed again. We have since renamed him, “Christmas Beau Ty,” and call him “Beau Ty.” It seems to fit him perfectly. There are many offers for a home for him coming in when I am at work. 

My private dog training business has been primarily focused on private lessons with one-on-one training with the dog and the dog owner. It has been challenging and very rewarding. I created a new website just for my dog training business it is www.k9keltsdogtraining.com 

I have had only one new website job which was a barter/trade deal for some furniture. So I now have a new sofa, loveseat, 6 foot bookcase, and a futon that folds out to a double-bed. Their website is www.salesdirectsofamattress.com 

If you are looking for some unique gifts for friends or family or for yourself… check out my website at www.kieranna.com and look under web design and/or web portfolio and take a look at some of the sites I’ve built. I am always looking for new websites to build. 

My roommate, Dee, continues to be completely disabled due to her back injury and constant Fibromyalgia pain. However, she has over 20 penpals that she corresponds with on a regular basis including a couple of ladies in prison. Her youngest son Joey got married this past year and lives in Colorado. Her oldest son, David and his wife Crystal, were recently medically discharged from the Army and have moved to Red Bluff, just 15 minutes south of us. So Dee is pleased to have at least one son close to home and his 4 boys live in Redding with their mom. Her middle son, Tim, is still not in any contact with her and she rarely gets pictures or notes from his ex-wife about the other 2 grandchildren. It breaks her heart, so please pray for that situation. 

I know longer attend St. Andrew’s Serbian Orthodox Church, but I occasionally attend St. Nicholas Orthodox Church of America. I am trying to become more of a regular attendee, however, I often work nights and find it very hard to get up in the morning… (I never was a morning person anyway and now it is more difficult). 

In June & July my sister traveled to Ireland and then to Israel for research work for Westmont College where she is a Professor of Communications Studies. 

My Dad is still the Pastor of El Dorado Community Church and Marti, my step-mom still runs their bookstore, in El Dorado “Books-n-Bears”. 

In August, my family (Dad, Marti, Deb & Keith) and I (and 3 Shelties, mine and my sister’s) went on our annual family vacation but this time it was in some connected cabins along the Russian River. We had lots of fun canoeing, fishing, playing games and walking along the beach and visiting the little tourist shops around the area. 

My youngest brother Matthew Jason Dunn is a singer/songwriter/dancer and is loving his life! He recently moved to a beautiful new home in Aptos, CA. 

During the last part of October I came down with a stomach/intestinal virus and so did Dee. It was awful, but nothing like when I came down with the Swine Flu over Thanksgiving weekend. As it went through its course, I then came down with a secondary respiratory infection a mild case of pneumonia. So I was off work for 8 scheduled days… so my dog training schedule went haywire… but I am back at work and things are getting back on schedule. 

I have entered another technological phase of our world of text messaging and social networking. So I am on FaceBook, MySpace, ZooToo, LinkedIn, Classmates.com, and a few others that I don’t remember. So if that is your thing look me up. 

My life is interesting, changing and I am changing and growing. I am still gradually gaining some of my health and hope to continue getting well. I am also constantly reminded the reality of life is about getting old and our journey towards eternity; this is earth and not heaven. What really matters is how we lived in light of eternity and our relationship with others and with God. The Three Maji

I pray that this year will be one of renewed hope and commitment in your own journey towards eternity and walking with God.

Thank you for being in my life, for being who you are, for being a blessing, for praying for me, and the privilege of me praying for you. 

Much love, hugs and prayers for you and your family.

God’s Blessings to All of You this Christmas 2009

By God’s Mercy & Grace – Kieranna Kathleen

Suffering, Sin, Sickness & Death

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Suffering, Sin, Sickness & Death Thank you for your prayers for my myriad health problems. I appreciate you sharing the scripture verse you quoted, Isaiah 53:4 and 5: “surely he has borne our grief and carried our sorrows. Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted, but He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement for our peace was upon Him. And by His stripes we are healed.” I do believe that God can and does heal people. This verse is often quoted as well as many others that to many mean that God guarantees a healing if we only proclaim it and have faith. This is not always the case and especially when it comes to anything from God. This part of scripture in complete context talks about the suffering of the Lord and healing us of sin, transgressions, iniquities, and restoring us into a right relationship with God. I do believe sometimes sin and the devil can cause affliction and bad health. However, not all affliction is from sin or of the devil, or even lack of faith. When I look at the complete Bible, there are numerous examples of suffering even for the righteous. In many passages of Scripture it reminds us there will be suffering in this life which God allows us to go through. Some of the suffering is for only a time, some is for this life time, but all suffering, illness and even death will be taken away. Christ conquered sin. Does this mean that since Christ conquered sin, we are no longer sinful? I am sure you would agree that although we have been forgiven of our sins both past, present and future, it does not mean we are any less sinful and we don’t need to confess and repent of our sins or that we are without sin. So as we live out each day, we sin each day and then we need to repent and confess our sins so that we might be healed of our sins. Christ conquered death. Does this mean that since Christ conquered death that we will never die? In one sense, yes, our soul will never die. In the other physical sense, our body will die unless we are blessed to be alive at the glorious Second Coming of Christ. Although Christ conquered death and the grave does not mean that we will not experience a physical death and experience the decay and corruption of a dying body. Christ conquered sickness. So now I ask the question, does this mean that since Christ conquered sickness that we will never be sick? Could there be another meaning? Just like in sin or in death Christ conquered all these things it does not mean that we will be “saved” from all these things. One might say that sin is our own fault and that might imply that we can live a life of perfection because Christ lived as a man and He lived perfectly. However, very few people will ever attain perfection and be without sin even after becoming born again. So is sickness from sin? As I said before that some sicknesses are from sin, but then just because a person is healthy does that mean they are without sin? I am sure you would agree that there are many healthy people that are very sinful people. Likewise there are many healthy people who have no faith at all in God, or a god, and are even atheist in their beliefs. So then we have to realize that sometimes God allows sickness comes in to our lives for the testing of our faith and for to bring glory to God in the midst of our trials, tribulations, sufferings and illnesses. We only need to look at the life of Job in the Old Testament and see how a righteous man is put to the test and although we get the glimpse into heaven and see the conversation between God and the devil, Job had no idea and neither did his wife. Yet we see Job suffering patiently and trusting God with his well-meaning friends offering counsel that maybe he didn’t have faith or their must be some sin his life that God was punishing Job. Yet, then we see God rebuking Job’s friends and never giving an explanation for Job’s suffering but instead declares His Glory to Job and reminds them and us, that He is God and will do as He pleases. We can never make demands of God, we are at His mercy. His will and purposes extend beyond our present vision and this present life. We all have to die sometime in our life (unless the Lord comes). Death is unavoidable. It is not a question of whether or not we will die, we will all die. The question becomes “how will we die?” We will all die from our bodies finally giving out or by some other means. Our bodies from the time we stop growing up are then on the decline and decaying. Death is the final step. I also mean that both physically and spiritually. Even after Christ raised Lazarus from the dead, Lazarus had die again later on in his life. When Christ healed the paralytic, He first said, your sins are forgiven. The Pharisees were in an uproar because they said only God can forgive sins. Christ answered so that they would know that he had the power to forgive, He then healed the man. Christ healed many people but not all people. Those He healed were also “saved”. All of His healings were to demonstrate that He was truly God in the flesh. Throughout Church history and even throughout the New Testament in the lives of the saints of God, illness, suffering, trials and tribulations came to test their faith. The Apostle Paul reminds us that whom the Lord loves He chastens. Jesus said, “in this world you will have tribulations, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” Earth is not our home and these bodies are still living in a polluted and sinful world. Oftentimes sickness and illness are used by God to build our faith and draw us closer to Him. It is a great testimony to praise God in the midst of the storms of our life and glorify Him and say like Job, “though He (meaning God) slay me, yet will I trust Him” and again Job says, “for I know that my Redeemer lives and I will stand with Him on that day (meaning the day of judgment)”. Through sicknesses and trials we are reminded that this is earth and not Heaven and that Heaven is truly our home and we have the Eternal hope that all sorrow and sickness and tears will be wiped away. I will close with these passages of Scripture: 1 Peter 1:3 -7: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again unto a living hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, Whom having not seen, you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; but rejoice, to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 5:10-11 “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. Please pray for me as I pray for you that we both may glorify God in all things.

God loves me like I am…

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Don’t put me in a box Don’t label me at all Don’t try to figure me out Don’t put me on a pedestal Don’t put me in a category Or give me a personality test Don’t send me to a psychiatrist Or a psychoanalyst God’s the one that made me And he’s not finished yet He knows all my tomorrows And He knows every one of my regrets Lord knows He knows my secrets More than I can ever admit He knows the deepest part of me My heart’s too complicated for a simple fix I’m not the Rock of Gibraltar Cause sometimes I can crumble Stumble, cry and fall But when it’s all over I’m still standing tall … God loves me like I am

Spending Time in “Prison”, the “Desert”, the “Wilderness

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This is an excerpt of a letter sent to a young man in prison struggling with his appeal process to reduce his sentencing time in prison. But I thought I would add it to my blog and maybe encourage someone else although we may not be in prison… we all have our “prisons”, “deserts”, “wilderness” experiences.

These are thoughts after spending over 20 years in ministry and missions work about learning patience and truly waiting on God’s perfect timing. Some of the things I desired for a certain ministry or mission to take place often took years and I was often frustrated things didn’t move faster than I would have liked, but God’s timing is always perfect. I would often remind myself that it is not the end result but the process of growing in the journey closer to God. God is not so much concerned about what we do for Him as to how our relationship is growing with Him.

I am reminded about Moses spending 40 years in the desert tending sheep a time of preparation and drawing closer to God. Then there was David who killed Goliath and later became King, but he spent many years in the wilderness tending sheep and facing his own battles learning to trust God to direct his paths. Elijah spent 3 years in the wilderness in a time of drought being fed by ravens and living in a cave. There was also John the Baptist growing up from childhood in the desert until the time he was to reveal Christ to the world by baptism. Saul who met the Lord on the road to Damascus and became the Apostle Paul spent 14 years in the desert drawing close to God before going out and doing missionary work. The Apostle Paul spent many years in and out of prison and many of his letters or epistles as they are called in the Bible were written while he was in prison. While the Apostle Paul was in prison, his life so reflected Christ that many came to salvation because of his witness in prison – even the guards.

Outside of scriptures there are numerous great people used by God to do great and mighty things who spent years in a wilderness or desert of some sort. John Bunyan who wrote one of Christianity’s classic books, “Pilgrim’s Progress” wrote it while he was in prison for several years.

So let me encourage you with some scriptures from the Apostle Paul:

Philippians 2:5-10: ” Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Philippians 4:4-14 ” Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction.”

The final verses are ones out of 2 Corinthians 4 that I especially took heart in when in difficult times: “Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God… But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

I am always reminding myself that God’s most important work is in our hearts and not in our ministries or what we do for God. That we are to work out our salvation, meaning that we are to constantly work on our heart to become more like Christ in whatever situation we are in and trust God to work out His perfect timing and plans for our lives.

My other favorite verses are Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

And Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

So our life takes many turns and often not the way we planned but looking back it is God’s perfect plan and we can see his hand in all things. Even when we have made mistakes, done things we are not proud of, been disciplined by the hand of God (sometimes from the law, sometimes from man, but it is all from God), God is working on our character, our personality and our hearts to form us into the very likeness and image of Christ so that our light will shine without and shadows and the water that flows out of us will be living water purified and not stained.

So consider this time in “prison”, as a time in the “wilderness” or “desert”, a time where God has set you aside to draw you closer to Himself and to reveal Himself to you in a deeper way.

It is a time of examining our hearts and seeing how much we are truly willing to sacrifice and to “die to self” for the sake of the Gospel and for the sake of Christ.

We cannot see or make plans for the future, we have to make the most of today and make sure our hearts and minds are purified and holy before God so that if today or tonight he decided to take our life and call us home we are ready.

May you ponder on these rich nuggets of gold that I have learned from God in my own “wilderness” experiences. I wish you blessings from heaven dear brothers and sisters in the Lord.