I was going through a difficult trial in my every day life stresses, when I got the call on a Sunday afternoon that my brother was killed in a tragic automobile accident. It was such an unexpected blow; I still remember the wailing that erupted from the core of my being. All my previous difficulties seemed so trivial compared to this. As I was driving to the funeral home, I began to listen to a CD, “My Utmost for His Highest”, based on the writings of Oswald Chambers, that I recently received. One of the songs was entitled: “Sometimes He Comes in the Clouds” (sung by Steven Curtis Chapman). The chorus went like this: “Sometimes He comes in the clouds. Sometimes His face cannot be found. Sometimes the sky is dark and gray. But some things can only be known and sometimes our faith can only grow when we can’t see, so, sometimes He comes in the clouds.”
Somehow that song ministered to me and helped me get through the indescribable pain and loss I was experiencing and all the unanswered questions of “Why God?” I knew that somehow my faith would grow through this painful time.
Since then I have discovered in the Bible, clouds are connected with God. “Look He is coming with the clouds…” (Revelation 1:7a)
Although I knew those familiar passages, about the coming of the Lord, I had pictured Him returning with white, fluffy clouds against a beautiful blue-sky backdrop and the sun gloriously shining. This may all still be true, I do look forward to the day of the Lord’s return.
Nevertheless, the clouds in the song I mentioned before and often the clouds that come in my life, are storm clouds… dark, thick and black as smoke. Where is God in all those kinds of clouds? These are the times in my life I feel God has abandoned me. The rain pounds (stress, pain, loss, discouragement, failures), the lightning flashes (angry outbursts, persecution, gossip, enemy attacks), the thunder crashes (fear, failed dreams, set backs, broken relationships), and sometimes the storms sends hail the size of Golf balls (death, divorce, tragedy, loss of health) to pound me down. These are the times that cute, little, catch phrases are thrown around to try to bring comfort. Sayings like, “behind every cloud there is a rainbow” or “the sun is still shining above the clouds, even though you can’t see it”. For many years, I clung to those phrases for a single ray of hope. They did help but not really ministering to me at my deepest point of need as I patiently endured the storm and waited until the clouds finally blew away.
I know some of us have heard the phrase, “sometimes the Lord calms the storm, but sometimes He calms His child in the midst of the storm”. However, I still looked at the clouds as some sinister presence or something trying to destroy me and only by the grace of God would I get through it somehow. My outlook about clouds and storms changed when I discovered that sometimes God comes in the midst of the clouds that he even brings the clouds. This means I do not have to wait until the end to see the sun, but that I have the SON with me in the midst of my storm.
“Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.” (Psalm 97: 2) No matter what clouds or darkness surrounds me I am comforted that God’s righteousness and justice will prevail. “He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under His feet.” (2 Samuel 22:10) No matter what clouds come in my life, the Lord has it under His feet; He is Lord over all; He has it under control. “See the LORD rides on a swift cloud”. (Isaiah 19:1I) “He makes the clouds his chariot and rides on the wings of the wind.” (Psalm 104:3b) “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty.” (Deuteronomy 33:26) If God can ride the clouds no matter how swift, I can be assured of His ever present help in my time of need and ride them out to as long as I hold onto His saving hand. “His way is in the whirlwind and the storm and clouds are the dust of his feet.” (Nahum 1:3) I know that His ways are higher than mine, and that He can use the storms to perfect His plan for me, and these temporary circumstances and afflictions are but a speck of dust compared to the treasures of all eternity that He has stored up for me.
Then, I received the news that my 56-year-old mother had lung cancer. The storm clouds came in big, heavy and dark. After months of radiation and chemotherapy, leaving her body weak, she contracted pneumonia. She was released from the hospital at the end of March, to go home and die, thinking she only had a few days to a couple of weeks left. The cancer and the treatments left her with incredible nausea, so that even the slightest smell, the least bit of cough, she would get sick or have the dry heaves. She was unable to eat anything and eventually subsisted on water. She was in pain, barely able to breathe even with oxygen. She would rally a bit for a week or two, and then she would plummet again and be at death’s door.
During this time, I cried out to God, “either heal my mother or let her die”. No answer would come. I would cry out to God, “then at least alleviate her suffering, make her stop vomiting.” No answer would come. We had all kinds of ministers, priests and chaplains from many denominations come and pray over her. My sister and I would fast and have all night prayer vigils, we took mom to healing prayer meetings, we anointed her with oil, and all the other “formulas” that we could think of. Perhaps we were praying wrong, perhaps we had sin in our life; perhaps this is a demon, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Where was God in all of this?
Oswald Chambers said, “Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. The clouds are a sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God’s character, we do not yet know Him. Is there anyone ‘save Jesus only’ in your cloud? If so, it will get darker; you must get to the place where there is ‘no one any more save Jesus only.’” (My Utmost for His Highest)
I remember talking with someone who was not a Christian. She asked question, “I don’t understand how God could let your mother suffer as she is, when she has served Him and loved Him so much?” I remember sharing with her a truth that I am only beginning to understand. It is easy to believe in God, when things are going our way, however, real faith believes in God when things are hard. It is hard to believe God is a god of love, when you see someone suffer. It is hard to believe in the character of God, His love, peace, joy and hope, when life is showing you the exact opposite. Faith believes when you cannot see or understand. It is there, in the midst of the cloud that God meets you. It is like jumping off a cliff and finding the Lord there to catch you.
I need to learn to embrace suffering and accept it as a gift, an instrument to cause me to grow. The Orthodox Christians have a saying that when you are suffering God is visiting you. The Russian Christians would often go and ask for prayer from the one who is suffering, because they believed that person was closer to God in those times of sickness and trials. The clouds are not there to block my view of God, but to block my view of everything else but God. It is in the clouds that I can have intimacy with the Almighty. I can hear His voice and be in His presence.
“The LORD said to Moses, ‘I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people will hear Me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you.’ …On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently, and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. The Lord descended to the top of Mount Sinai and called Moses to the top of the mountain. So Moses went up.” (Exodus 19:9,16-20)
It is hard to imagine that God could be in the midst of thunder, lightning, and thick dark clouds. However, clouds are a symbol of God’s Holy presence. Some people trembled with fear, but Moses was invited to go up into the cloud. To be invited into the cloud with God, is a privilege that is given only those who are found worthy. When Moses was invited up to the mountain within the cloud, it was by invitation only. The rest of the people of Israel were told not even to come close to the mountain or touch it, lest they be destroyed. Later, the tabernacle was built. The presence of God would come down in the form of a cloud into the Holy of Holies. Even there, the high priest could not approach unless the sacrifice had been made, and God had given approval. “Tell your brother Aaron not to come whenever he chooses into the Most Holy Place behind the curtain in front of the atonement cover on the ark, or else he will die, because I appear in the cloud over the atonement cover.” (Leviticus 16:2) When Solomon dedicated the temple scriptures say, “When the priest withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the LORD. Moreover, the priest could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled His temple. Then Solomon said, “The LORD has said that He would dwell in a dark cloud…” (I Kings 8:10-12). To enter the cloud of God’s presence is by invitation and only those that God says are holy can enter in.
The cloud of His presence was displayed when “Jesus took Peter, James and John, with him and went up onto a mountain to pray. As He was praying, the appearance of His face changed, and His clothes became as bright as a flash of lightning… while he was speaking, a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and they were afraid as they entered the cloud. A voice came from the cloud saying, “This is my Son, whom I have chosen; Listen to Him!” (Luke 9:28-29,34-35)
Because of Jesus, we can now enter the cloud without fear, enter into His presence and hear the voice of the Lord, “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:14-16)
In the midst of the clouds, we can now hear the voice of the Lord; we can now have guidance and direction for our lives. We can receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Another assurance that clouds are actually a symbol of God’s guidance is found in Exodus 13:21-22. “By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.”
Who would have thought, clouds and fire could be the instruments that God would use to guide our lives and provide direction in the daytime or the nighttime? “Beloved do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.” (I Peter 4:12-13) In Daniel chapter 3, remember the 3 Hebrew children, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they were thrown in a fiery furnace so hot that the blaze killed the soldiers who threw them in. Yet, when Nebuchadnezzar looked in, he said in amazement, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire? Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like the Son of God.” You see Jesus was with them in the midst of the fire.
He is with us in the midst of our clouds, in the midst of the fires, in the floods, all things. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1-4)
Walk into the clouds, the fires, and the rivers and let them be instruments for you to hear the voice of God and come to know Him more intimately than ever before. “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” (Isaiah 30:20,21)
The amazing thing about many of the heroes of the faith is that they had no idea how the outcome would turn out in the midst of their trials. Abraham had no idea what God would do when he sacrificed Isaac, he just clung to the promise of God. Daniel had no idea that the lions’ mouths would be shut, he clung to his faith in God. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had no assurance that they would not be destroyed. But may I, and all of us who trust in the Lord, be able to say with their same conviction, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)
I could not promise my mother would be healed. I cannot promise that God will deliver neither me nor anyone else from pain or suffering. I can cling to the promise of God’s word that He will never leave nor forsake us; and nothing will ever separate us from the love of God. “At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” (Luke 21:27-28) When the Lord comes in the clouds, His redemption is near.
When the clouds come continue to serve the Lord, to trust in the Lord. Let us be like Moses and enter the clouds. Let the clouds teach you and be your time of hearing the voice of the Lord. Let us approach the Almighty Holy God. His Holy Fire will cleanse and purify us, His clouds will teach us, and His presence will embrace us.
“The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.” (Nahum 1:7)
I am a Dog Trainer, Singer, Inspirational Motivational Speaker, Writer.
I truly enjoy being a conference speaker, workshop speaker or just plain public speaking… the best part is sharing my heart, being real, being passionate about eternal values and caring for human beings then making that connection with the audience. Each speaking opportunity, each speaking moment is a unique moment in time, with unique individuals, never to be repeated again in time and space. What an awesome privilege to be part of the process of growing and sharing in this way with people.
I play the Guitar, Flute, Recorder, Irish Tin Whistle. I love to read, love history, love theology, love Celtic Christianity. I enjoy birdwatching, camping, houseboating, gardening, reading, music and fishing. I LOVE THE TRIUNE GOD!
I have a wonderful family and faithful friends… I love them so deeply. God has truly blessed me!
Thank you for visiting!
I am not an “art” person. I do enjoy looking at art and various styles of art. I have some artistic works that are displayed in my home.
What is it that makes a piece come “alive” and meaningful, not only to the artist who created the work of art, but to the viewer as well?
Realistic art, abstract art, expressionistic art and other artistic classes all have a way of speaking or communicating to me the viewer. I enjoy artistic works that upon first glance will stir an emotion or a thought. What causes me to stay and engage with a particular work is this element of “aliveness”. Can I smell? Can I taste? Can I touch or be touched?
Recently I was shopping with a friend and she was interested in picking out a painting for her home. She loves wild cats (along with other animals) and we came across a large painting of a tiger. This was a beautiful full facial rendition of a tiger staring directly at you. It was very realistic, beautiful colors, details and the eyes were intense. This painting was going to possibly go in her living room. Although this was a gorgeous cat, I expressed my opinion. I felt if it was in my home it would give me a sense of anxiousness just thinking about what if this cat came alive and just pounced right on out of the painting. Personally, in my home I would prefer something a bit more relaxing, or peaceful.
Of course, if you came to visit my home the first thing to greet you on my living room wall is a very larger painting of a wolf staring at you. I love this painting. For some the wolf would convey the same anxious feelings as the tiger. For me it gives me a sense of peace. Hmmm… Both of these wild animals are dangerous if encountered in their natural habitats. I wonder what makes me feel peaceful with one and anxious with the other?
Today is the birthday of my brother, Michael Claude Dunn. He lived a short life, but it was full of adventure & trials, joys & struggles, many cherished memories. RIP 1969-1995
Here’s a poem in remembrance of him today:
(c) copyright August 9, 1995
Beat the drums slowly,
Float the beat on the breeze.
Play the pipes loudly,
Mike’s easy to please.
Violins for the Gypsy
Deep down in his soul,
And a rockin’ guitar…
With a bass thunder roll.
He was young, in his prime
When he slipped from our sight,
But his song will go on…
Well into the night.
The presence will fade
As time marches on
But will ever return…
On the wings of his song.
A song that is gentle…
And caring, yet strong.
A song that will render
The right from the wrong.
A song that will laugh,
A song that will cry,
A song of his life…
As our lives pass by.
For twenty six years,
Through laughter and pain,
He wrote his own song
Up to the final refrain.
The rhythm was different
The tempo was strange
The coda… returning…
Again… and again.
Then a warm summer night,
In a place that he loved,
He reached for his Lord,
For help from above.
“They” supplied him with words
That forever ring true
“God loves you, My son.
Your troubles are through.”
“Come look at your room
In the mansion above,
Look down, let our spirit…
Console those you love.”
“Let us dry up their tears,
And send them along…
‘Till one day they return…
Singing… Mike’s song.”
Written by: C.L. Dunn, Mike’s Dad
Music by: K.V. Dunn, Mike’s Sister
Maybe you have come to a place in your life that feels like a dead end, you’re going nowhere, life seems hopeless. Maybe you think that you have sinned one too many times, failed too many times, keep doing things you don’t want to do but you do them over and over again. Maybe you feel you’re at the end of the rope, the stress, the worries, about money, health, family, children, the state of the world, or the area you live in. You’ve tried to “get it together”. You’ve tried to have a “stiff upper lip”. You’ve tried will power or “pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps”. All your efforts have been ineffective and you have realized you can’t change anything on your own or in your own strength. It’s beyond your capabilities.
I have some good news! If we could fix, rescue, save ourselves, we would not need a Savior, a Deliverer, an Advocate, a Rescuer, a Redeemer, a Great Physician, a Comforter.
If we could live up to all that is right and have good health, with plenty of money to spend, we would probably be so high-minded and so full of our own self-righteousness, with our homes full of material worthless possessions. We would not hear the cries of the broken, let alone be aware of them or understand them.
It is when we are broken and humbled, brought low and become weak, finally hearing and seeing, and hoping that someone will hear and see us, it is in this state real Love steps in.
God knew we needed Him. Before we asked, He had the answer. Before we looked, He was standing before us. Before we knocked, He was in our midst. Before we died, He died for us so we could live. Before we went to hell, He descended into hell, broke the gates, and set the hostages free, breaking the chains, and overcame the demons.
As a Christian you may know all this in your head, but getting it to sink deep down into our hearts is another matter. Just by being honest with God, knowing we can’t change ourselves, is the first step. This is where God’s mercy and grace comes in to transform our lives. This is what Easter is all about.
Perhaps Easter is not a big celebration because we are still focusing on pain, sin, suffering, death and all of our dreams and hopes have been buried at the bottom of the sea or in a mile high mud slide. We are stuck on “Good Friday & Great Saturday” and we can’t see anything “good or great” about it. Except we can’t just stop there.
Yes, there is a time to deal with our sins and failures, life’s disappointments and tragedies. We need to remember the “Via Delarosa” the road to Christ’s crucifixion; how Jesus carried the load if humanity’s sins, failures and tragedies to calvary and then was nailed with all of this to the Cross.
We need to remember how the Lamb of God loved us, was slain for us and died for us, even while we were still at war with God and still God’s enemy.
We need to be reminded no matter how perfect or good we might think we are, even then we are filthy rags compared to the perfection and holiness of God. We are never going to measure up, will always fall short. We are set in our own selfish ways, no matter how close we get to God, we will still tend to be selfish and self-willed.
This is why we need God. This is why Jesus died. We need a Savior.
But then… God was not content to leave us at the cross. God was not done with being buried. God, Himself triumphed over death. He has conquered hell and the grave. “Oh death where is your sting? Oh grave where is your victory?”
As it was for Christ God, we too must go through death… death to our own ideas of somehow earning our way into God’s presence; death to our own works of righteousness and good works; death to our own ways, our own dreams. We also need to let Jesus take our sin, even when we can’t give it to Him. Only in dying can we obtain new life. Jesus trampled down death by death.
Having died with Christ, it is time we remember we are to live in Christ. Let us no longer linger in death and burial. Let us visit the empty tomb. Let us see the guards as dead men. Let us hear the Angels proclamation, “He is risen, just as He said.”
Easter is about Jesus conquering death, not us conquering death, but God. Only by hiding in the shelter of His wings, coming under His robe, being washed in His blood, losing ourself in Jesus, will we too conquer death.
God has been faithful through centuries of generations of individuals who have put their trust in Him. God is faithful even when we are not. The steadfast love of The Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. We can take Him at His Word.
Right now, our lives may be full of stress and very topsy turvy. I know that better days are ahead if we put our trust in the Lord. I also know things might get full of trials and tribulations and temptations.
The Spirit of The Lord will come upon our lives to comfort us, walk beside us, live inside us, will be our strength, will pray for us when we don’t know how.
God will give us a peace that passes understanding, a joy overflowing, a hope everlasting, a trust that is faithful and a love all fulfilling. More than what we can ask, think, or comprehend.
He opened the way to Life and not an ordinary one but an abundant life. He gave us something stronger than “happiness”, He gave us JOY! He loves us unconditionally with an everlasting love. He takes as we are and transforms us into what we were destined to be.
I truly am blessed and I do mean blessed when I remember the people, friends, family, even strangers who have come into my life. God had sent all of them, even those who have meant evil, all we’re sent by God. All have helped me in so many ways to bring me closer to God; to find enjoyment in this life; see things through the eyes of a child; to see the wonders of the world around me and so much more to discover. To truly pray “Our Father, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”.
Now everyday I ask myself, “In the light of Eternity, what does it matter?” It puts into perspective what is eternally important and what is going to pass away. I want to know Christ in the fellowship of His sufferings, that I might know Him in the power of His resurrection.
“Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death. And on those in the tombs bestowing life.”
Christ is risen! In Truth He is risen! He is risen indeed!
Abba, my Father, Your child, I am.
Mold me, make me, within Your hands.
To do Your will as a joint heir.
To be Your servant, this is my prayer.
Jesus, I need You to heal me from sin;
To serve You completely, free from pride within
Seeking Your kingdom, joy, peace, righteousness;
Your will, not mine and nothing less.
Sweet Spirit come in, fill me with love.
Anoint me with power from up above.
Your mind & heart, purify me with fire.
To be like You, becomes my desire.
Waiting & watching make Your way clear;
To be doing, not sleeping, until Your return.
Then all my needs met, all my fears gone,
Satisfied and content, You and I as one.
A friend of mine who has Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia has a Blog called Redefining the Good. It is a good one full of empathy & encouragement for those who struggle with chronic illness or disease or knows who knows someone struggling.
She just posted a Blog that I really enjoyed. So much so, I responded in a lengthy comment. Then I thought I think I’ll post my thoughts along with the link to her blog as well. May you be able to Redefine the Good in your life & be encouraged.
Here is the link to her Blog post.
And here is my response:
I can relate in so many ways. It is allergy season here! I just finally realized the nausea & upset stomach in the morning is because my sinuses are draining into my stomach at night. So… Back on my allergy meds.
The FATIGUE is BAD for me these lasts several months along with break-through PAIN even with meds so I had to go back to twice a day instead of once a day for one Rx & 3x/day for the other rather than once a day.
I’ve always liked the title of your blog “redefining the good”. Just a few weeks ago, after someone asked how I was doing & I said the usual answer “good”. Partly because it was only an acquaintance & like you just not close enough to share, because they wouldn’t understand anyway & then try to “fix” me.
As I walked away I asked myself if I was honest. It got me to thinking. Yes, I was feeling “good” because this was the new “normal”, the new “good”. I’m sure you understand. Acceptance is a rough place to get to.
I had realized awhile ago that things may not ever get better, there may not be a miracle cure, and actually as I get older I will most likely get worse as part of the aging process.
Just by thinking about how far my mental & spiritual state had come, I could honestly say I was feeling good. I know what a horrible day is & I know what a spectacular day is. However on most days it’s just every day living. I’ve come around to “redefining the good”.
Glory to God for all things!
Years have passed since I first found Christ, or rather since Christ found me.
Yes, Christ found me and I rebelled at first, then finally bowed my knee. I claimed Him as my Savior and Lord, my God and my Master. No other God would I serve.
But since that day, long ago, my feet have trodden many a time in places forbidden and dark. I, so often, have been drawn away to other masters, other gods who gave enticing yet deceptive treats that when grasped would crumble into dust; or when eaten turned bitter and full of bile when swallowed.
So, I have paid the price of tasting forbidden fruit. I have suffered the pain of grabbing thorns. I have known the shackles of fierce demons unrelenting in their torture. In fear and darkness, anxiety and unforgiveness, I walked through the valleys of the shadow of death.
In the depths of despair, I heard footsteps pursuing me. Afraid of the Presence of God, I hid but being so exhausted and tired, I surrendered to His One pursuit. I collapsed in His arms, not caring if He would slay me, for death itself would be better than living in the squalor and mire I was now in.
I cried out, “Lord, save me, deliver me, have mercy.” Then a light began to burn and the Presence of Whom I had surrendered to was the One I had always longed for. The Lord Jesus was the One who had been pursuing me relentlessly and never ending. He enveloped me in His arms. His love washing over me like wave after wave, cleansing, healing, forgiving.
God — I thought He was a fierce Master and a Lord that I could never appease. He was truly fierce and worthy of respect — for He was all powerful, so holy. Now, for the first time, I was given fresh revelation. Just as fierce was His righteousness, His love was equally fierce. I now surrendered to the lover of my soul.
I remember when I was young in Christ, visions and dreams enveloped my nights. By day, I was filled with an insatiable desire, an unquenchable thirst and hunger for God. I had a gnawing ache deep within that I was called to a purpose — a great and mighty plan. I’ve caught glimpses of His plans. I am still not sure what it all means. I am not sure about the why’s, what’s, or the when’s. His ways are always higher than mine. His ways are past finding out. God has given many gifts, skills and talents all I need is a desire to try and do my best for Him and surrender those gifts to Hitoshi use or not to use. I am so very thankful and so very blessed. It seems the Lover of my soul continues to shower me with His incredible treasures.
I am learning submission and obedience within God’s will. I can trust God to work all for good. I am learning more and more the balance between grace and obedience. I am learning evermore the depths and the heights of His great love, mercy, forgiveness and grace.
I am also learning that with the joy there is also the fellowship of His suffering. That love often bears a cross and a crown of thorns. But love never loses focus of the goal and will always prevail and endure.
I believe in trusting God with my future and leaving it in His hands. For I have learned that just when I think I know — that is when I am most ignorant. It is better to be like Mary, the mother of Jesus, and ponder the things in my heart than it is to speak too hastily.
I cannot help but wonder at the past events of my life. How does it all fit together in God’s plan? I do not know. I do know that He has called me away many times and says to me, “Come away my beloved. Come and learn of me. Spend time alone in my presence. Let Me love you. Let Me fill you with Myself.”
When a person is a child and his friends reject him the adult world says, “go and make new friends” or “that’s okay, you’ll find other friends.” Someone hurts her or calls her a name and the adult world says, “sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you.”
As a child becomes a teen and “falls in love” they call it “puppy love” but when the first break-up occurs the adult world says, “you’ll get over it” or “there are other fish in the sea.”
When friends hurt and we don’t fit in, others say, “they probably weren’t your real friends anyway” or “you’re better off without them.”
Finally, there comes a time when we are the adults. Mom and Dad are no longer there to run to and we have no answers. They are not there to hold us or wipe the tears from our eyes. We get hurt, cry on our pillow, then try and remember all those sayings we were told as a child. Yet, it doesn’t take the pain away anymore.
But, did it really ever help before?
Maybe, it merely would hide it for awhile… until the next time.
What do they really tell us?
- Cover it up…
- Forget it…
- Bury it…
- It’s all over…
- You’ll get over it…
What good were all those sayings?
Many times my walls have gone up… walls of bitterness, mistrust, unforgiveness and hurt. I have made silent vows of: not letting anyone get too close; not letting myself become vulnerable; not letting anyone see me as I really am; not willing to love wholeheartedly.
But God’s relentless, pursuing love starts calling, wooing, and melting those walls. His love begins to permeate once again my heart, my life. I begin reaching out, touching others, loving again.
His love — it’s beautiful; it’s wonderful; it’s a sweet aroma, an enriching fragrance. I am lifted, refreshed, strengthened and renewed! My hope is built. My faith is encouraged. My trust is renewed. My heart is softened. I learn to love again.
Then it happens, my heart is tested by those very same areas that hurt, those same words, those same actions, the same pain, the same wound — reopened all over again. The only thing that may be different is the people have different names or faces. I tend to slip into disillusionment, despair, disappointment. Feeling rejected, lost, hurt, hopeless and lonely. The loneliness is the part we all hate. The loneliness we can feel even when we’re in a crowd.
May those lonely times drive me to the Lord Jesus Christ, the only one who can satisfy a lonely heart, fulfill my deepest longings, heal the wounds of pain.
As I stop seeking and pursuing after worldly pleasures and turn my efforts and affections toward the love of God will I find fulfillment.
As I let go of all memories, all the people, all the hurts, all the longings, will I find my heart satisfied.
In losing my life, I find it. In giving, I receive. In dying, only then shall I live. Sticks and stones may kill the body, but they cannot kill the soul.
There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. There is a friend that will never leave nor depart. There is a friend whose love will never change.
So, I have sought Him often alone — but not often enough. I know He desires me more than I Him, but that will probably always be that way. I feel as though I have been in a desert and yet I have not been forsaken. There is hidden beauty in the desert. I believe I have passed from a romantic feeling of love into a deep and abiding lasting love that goes far beyond feelings and into a deep sense of knowing.
I am at peace and am content with God. I feel comfortable with my relationship and settled. Yet, at the same time, paradoxically, I am restless, hungry, thirsty. I am satisfied but ever yearning for more of Him. I am in pursuit of God, yet at rest.
Yes, I have made up my mind. I will continue on this path, wherever the Lord may lead. I will stick with my God, my Lord, the one I love and am learning to love over and over again in fresh and new ways. I plan on hanging in through all the trials. I will not run from fear. I will face whatever the future may bring and take the risk of bearing a cross.
I may stumble, but I will go on. Ultimately, my deepest longings will be fulfilled and I will accomplish His purpose to which I’ve been called. Only by walking through the desert can I expect to enter that promised land. Like Jacob I will hold on until I receive the blessing. Even if, in holding on, it may appear to my natural eyes that I am crippled some way, in the end, every good thing has a price.
If I fail to hear God’s voice and find myself lost along the way, even in my wanderings I will be okay. I know that my Lord Jesus, is the Good Shepherd and will pursue and seek me. I can trust in God, alone, who can redeem anything that is lost including wayward dreams. He can make mistakes turn for good. He can make the foolish become wise — the strong become weak and the weak become strong. He can redeem the years that the locusts have eaten. He can bring beauty out of ashes and turn mourning into joy. He holds all things in His hands. He is sovereign and will accomplish His purpose and work in my life what He desires. So, I can face the future with assurance and hope. I am bathed and washed in His goodness and love.
Praise His name forevermore. He will keep me as the apple of His eye and hide me in the shelter of His wings. He is my God and I will be His servant forever! Not by my might, nor by my power, but by the grace of His Spirit!
Come to the one who is the lover of your soul. Come to the one who loves with a never ending, ever enduring, everlasting love. There is a Savior who will be with us in the deepest seas of despair, the darkest night of loneliness, the great chasm of pain. Jesus has felt the pain. He has known the agony. He has experienced the sorrow
In Him and through Him we can reach out. By Him and because of Him we can love again. Because nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord except our own selves. We know that His perfect love will cast out all fear. Then the world will know we are His disciples by our love!
”Lord of love, fill us with more of You!”