Tag Archives: death

A Memoir of Mom

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It’s the anniversary of my mother’s birthday, born August 28, 1942. Funny how I remember one of mom’s quips, “in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue, in 1942 my mother gave birth to me, Susie Q!” It still makes me smile and because of her, I remember a tid bit of history. My mom passed away on September 28, 1999. She was 57 years old. It’s strange for me to think I’ve now surpassed her in years on this earth. Always this time of year, I get a bit melancholy thinking and remembering her and other family members who have passed on. But on this day, when I remember she breathed her first breath of air in this earthly existence, the day of her birth and the beginning of her earthly life, I’m reflecting on her life and the life she breathed into others. This is what I and my sister shared at her funeral service. As I share it again, May it bring a blessing to you, encourage you and challenge you to find joy, hope, strength and life in all things, but most importantly, in Jesus.

The Joy of the Lord Was Her Strength

My mom, Susan Lillian Gahring Dunn Woods

By: Kathleen Dunn (and Deborah Dunn Yeager), © November 1999

“I have learned to be content in whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

During this time of year, I can’t help but be caught in the memories of my mother, who joined my brother 4 years after his passing to be in the presence of the Lord. When my brother passed, I wrote about the gift of time – how precious it is. I still believe that what we can take with us to heaven is the memories and the jewels we will have in our crown is what things that were of eternal value that we passed on to others.

Reflecting on my mother and her life, I can wholeheartedly express that she left a great legacy of faith & joy!

Momma was diagnosed with lung cancer December 1998 and throughout 1999 as we struggled as a family, I watched my mother increase in faith. Sure, there were times we cried together, but the times of laughter far surpassed all others. She did have struggles with all those “why” questions and even was discouraged… but her faith never wavered. In the last 6 months of her life, she was completely bedridden, yet she never complained about it. When people came to visit, she would always be seen smiling and encouraging those who were supposed to be encouraging her.

Rather than go on with all my thoughts, I thought I would share what my sister, Deborah wrote as a memorial to her great legacy of faith and joy…

“One of Mother’s favorite songs was ‘The Joy of the Lord is My Strength’.

You couldn’t just hear her sing it.

You couldn’t just watch her sing it.

You had to give yourself over to the experience of the song.

The laughter and the fun and the praise were real, palpable, contagious. And that is much like her life in general – you couldn’t observe her from afar, as a disinterested bystander to her life. You had to give yourself over to the experience that was Susan. Her laughter and fun and joy were real, were palpable, were contagious.

Never content to sit by the sidelines and watch life go by, she jumped in with limbs flying and bells ringing. She was quick to forgive, quick to embrace, and quick to hurt on behalf of others. Her empathy was such that she spent her Christmas spending money on a homeless family when she came to visit me in San Francisco. Her hugs were like balm to the soul. She didn’t give those hugs where you stand just close enough to bend at the waist and give an obligatory kind of shoulder hug and pat on the back. She embraced you – and when she embraced you, you felt embraced by her life, her light, her energy. She could laugh like no one else – and although always conscious of the volume of her voice, she just couldn’t tone it down – it was beyond her. Her exuberance and enthusiasm could not be contained.

As a mother she was beyond comparison.

She was always a little “more” than other mothers – a little more involved,

A little more emotional,

A little more loud,

A little more herself.

I recently told her I was proud of her, and she said, “what for?” with some degree of amazement. And although I could not begin to list all of the reasons for you here today, let me start with this and give you the freedom to add your own reasons:

Without much formal education, she ran a couple of businesses, organized a mentally gifted minor program, taught junior high school, and became a very successful Avon lady and regional officer for Girl Scouts. She organized neighborhoods to get playground equipment for children, swimming lessons, and safer play areas. She organized parents and participated in the Feingold program for hyperactive children. She taught Sunday school for many years and was looked up to by younger people in the Church. She brought desperate and lonely people into her home, cared for them, and sent them back out into the world. She organized a program to feed the homeless in a Redding park and every Saturday they set up a barbecue to feed the poor. She cared for many elderly people both through her church and through “adopt-a-grandparent” programs. She won numerous awards at various county fairs for floral arrangement, crafts, and photography.

She taught us to stand firm in our beliefs, to love camping and roasting marshmallows and singing campfire songs. She taught us how to make May Day baskets for the shut-ins in our neighborhood, to visit the elderly in nursing homes whose own grandchildren would not be spending the holidays with them, and she taught us how to go without Thanksgiving dinner one year so that we could feed another family. To our amazement, we returned home to find all of the fixings for own holiday meal on our front porch. To this day we don’t know where it came from – but she knew it came from God and so we were doubly blessed that holiday season.

She taught us how to sing, “do your ears hang low”, “waddly atcha” and “under the spreading chestnut tree”. She taught us to treasure our gifts and the gifts of others. She taught us to give when it seemed you had nothing to give – such as when she gave balloon animals to the cancer patients and staff in the cancer care center in her clown wig and horn – she, who was dying of cancer, still thought to bring joy to others.

But most importantly she taught us how to love, how to laugh, how to smile, even in the hardest times. She taught me, toward the end, what it means to have faith, true faith, and what it means to be content. She told me that God had really blessed her – and she was content those final months”. – by Deborah Dunn Yeager

Momma has left all that knew her a great legacy of faith and joy. My thoughts are best expressed in the following words to a song I wrote for her and for all of us who will carry on her legacy of faith & joy.

Some watching said you were a fanatic.

Still others thought that you were odd.

But in the watching and the waiting,

We could see the reflection of God.

Handing out food, balloons, or your hugs,

Traveling dusty roads even as a clown,

You hugged the dirty, the lonely, the outcast

And encouraged us all to sing along…

That the joy of the Lord will be my strength.

I will run and not grow weary, I’ll not faint.

And I can do all things, all things,

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

We were watching when you lost your son, my brother.

The gusty blows came sudden and hard.

But through it all you showed God’s forgiveness

In the midst of all your pain and your doubt

You sang and smiled your way through all the sorrow.

Altho’ you wept your faith stayed so strong

You shared your laughter and your joy.

We couldn’t help but laugh and sing along.

That the joy of the Lord will be my strength.

I will run and not grow weary, I’ll not faint.

And I can do all things, all things,

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Then watching your struggle with cancer

Full of pain every breath a miracle

Still you smiled, you blessed, you gave

You laughed and sang to us still.

The promises, and the scripture verses

The Bible passages all marked and worn

Still speak to me and those you love

Of a joy, a peace, and of a world beyond.

When it was time for you to pass over

And the night was growing dark

Your song of joy joined with the angels

And your laughter and your song still carries on!

And the joy of the Lord will be my strength.

I will run and not grow weary, I’ll not faint.

And I can do all things, all things,

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

For this season and in the months and years to come… no matter what trials, woes, or tribulations come… focus on the eternal things, the things that will not pass away… fix your gaze on the Author and the Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross… He will be your strength, your hope, your joy, your life.

“Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Mom and I, Summer 1999

Grief, Understanding, Hope…

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I’ve been overwhelmed with grief this week & especially yesterday. Now that decisions were made & death is “done”… a sense of relief has come. But… the depths and cycles and seasons of grief continue. My dearest friend lost her father on Wednesday, September 19th. Then we put to sleep our dear sweet cat, Misty Rose on Saturday, September 22nd.

I remember after losing my brother (he was 26yrs. old) suddenly from a drunk driver in August 1995 and going to church between his death and funeral, a friend not knowing what occurred made an innocent comment, “why do you look so down, it’s not as if someone has died.” I was cut to the core by the insensitive statement. Later, she apologized profusely.

I once went to a conference just a few weeks after the death of my mother after a prolonged time in hospice care from cancer in September 1999. I attended one of the many workshops offered between the main sessions. It was entitled something along the lines of “Dealing with Death, Grief & Loss”. Granted, my emotions were raw, and why I chose this over others were mixed. However, I was completely unprepared for the opening remarks of the speaker, “I don’t know which is worse, the sudden death of a loved one or the gradual dying and death of a loved one. Having not experienced either one, I can only imagine what that might be like.” I remember promptly standing up in the middle of approximately 50-100 people and saying something like, “then what qualifies you to speak at all.” Then not waiting for an answer I walked out, sat down in an isolated corner and wept. Some friends came and silently comforted me.

I had experienced both kinds of deaths. Sudden unexpected ones, prolonged ones, and ones of elderly family members.

I had before and after that time lost others close to me, friends, family and my dear pets.

Recently, during this week of “death”, a friend mentioned “they would call and nothing would get in the way short of someone dying”. Unknown to them my dear friend’s dad was on death’s door and our cat was very ill.

I only bring these three examples to our attention because we often say things jokingly, sarcastically, or as “just a phrase or manner of speaking”. But often are “innocent” comments hurt deeply.

We should choose our words wisely and only speak truth in love. In the case of deep sorrow, even the words, “I understand” or “I know how you feel ” followed by “because I’ve been there.” Can cause intense pain and/or anger.

To be truthfully honest we truly do NOT understand nor do we know how another feels. Each death is uniquely different from every other one or other person’s perception of it.

Each person is uniquely different and each relationship with the loss of the loved one was uniquely different – this is true within families, this is true with each pet. The loss of a person or pet is felt differently and because we all process death in our own way, no two deaths will ever be the same.

Having said this, there are behavioral and psychological studies that show similarities about death – mainly that there are cycles of grief and loss that we can identify: Shock, Anger, Relief, Depression, Denial, Acceptance, etc. AND it’s not like it goes through “steps”, rather each phase can jump from one to another and then back again and then on to another.

Because grief is a process we need to be patient, kind, caring and compassionate providing comfort, a listening ear, even if memories or details are repeated. The same can be said of ourselves going through the grief: be kind, caring, compassionate and patient with ourself.

So as I grieve, I am doing one thing, giving myself permission to grieve and not “have it all together”.

I do grieve as one who has hope… my hope is in the Lord! He is the One, who truly understands ALL things, sees things so entirely clear, and can give comfort, healing and catch every tear in a bottle of remembrance. I look forward to that day, where there will be no more sorrow, death is destroyed, and every tear will be wiped away.

Journey to the Cross, the Tomb, the Resurrection.

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Maybe you have come to a place in your life that feels like a dead end, you’re going nowhere, life seems hopeless. Maybe you think that you have sinned one too many times, failed too many times, keep doing things you don’t want to do but you do them over and over again. Maybe you feel you’re at the end of the rope, the stress, the worries, about money, health, family, children, the state of the world, or the area you live in. You’ve tried to “get it together”. You’ve tried to have a “stiff upper lip”. You’ve tried will power or “pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps”. All your efforts have been ineffective and you have realized you can’t change anything on your own or in your own strength. It’s beyond your capabilities.
I have some good news! If we could fix, rescue, save ourselves, we would not need a Savior, a Deliverer, an Advocate, a Rescuer, a Redeemer, a Great Physician, a Comforter.
If we could live up to all that is right and have good health, with plenty of money to spend, we would probably be so high-minded and so full of our own self-righteousness, with our homes full of material worthless possessions. We would not hear the cries of the broken, let alone be aware of them or understand them.
It is when we are broken and humbled, brought low and become weak, finally hearing and seeing, and hoping that someone will hear and see us, it is in this state real Love steps in.
God knew we needed Him. Before we asked, He had the answer. Before we looked, He was standing before us. Before we knocked, He was in our midst. Before we died, He died for us so we could live. Before we went to hell, He descended into hell, broke the gates, and set the hostages free, breaking the chains, and overcame the demons.
As a Christian you may know all this in your head, but getting it to sink deep down into our hearts is another matter. Just by being honest with God, knowing we can’t change ourselves, is the first step. This is where God’s mercy and grace comes in to transform our lives. This is what Easter is all about.
Perhaps Easter is not a big celebration because we are still focusing on pain, sin, suffering, death and all of our dreams and hopes have been buried at the bottom of the sea or in a mile high mud slide. We are stuck on “Good Friday & Great Saturday” and we can’t see anything “good or great” about it. Except we can’t just stop there.
Yes, there is a time to deal with our sins and failures, life’s disappointments and tragedies. We need to remember the “Via Delarosa” the road to Christ’s crucifixion; how Jesus carried the load if humanity’s sins, failures and tragedies to calvary and then was nailed with all of this to the Cross.
We need to remember how the Lamb of God loved us, was slain for us and died for us, even while we were still at war with God and still God’s enemy.
We need to be reminded no matter how perfect or good we might think we are, even then we are filthy rags compared to the perfection and holiness of God. We are never going to measure up, will always fall short. We are set in our own selfish ways, no matter how close we get to God, we will still tend to be selfish and self-willed.
This is why we need God. This is why Jesus died. We need a Savior.
But then… God was not content to leave us at the cross. God was not done with being buried. God, Himself triumphed over death. He has conquered hell and the grave. “Oh death where is your sting? Oh grave where is your victory?”
As it was for Christ God, we too must go through death… death to our own ideas of somehow earning our way into God’s presence; death to our own works of righteousness and good works; death to our own ways, our own dreams. We also need to let Jesus take our sin, even when we can’t give it to Him. Only in dying can we obtain new life. Jesus trampled down death by death.
Having died with Christ, it is time we remember we are to live in Christ. Let us no longer linger in death and burial. Let us visit the empty tomb. Let us see the guards as dead men. Let us hear the Angels proclamation, “He is risen, just as He said.”
Easter is about Jesus conquering death, not us conquering death, but God. Only by hiding in the shelter of His wings, coming under His robe, being washed in His blood, losing ourself in Jesus, will we too conquer death.
God has been faithful through centuries of generations of individuals who have put their trust in Him. God is faithful even when we are not. The steadfast love of The Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. We can take Him at His Word.
Right now, our lives may be full of stress and very topsy turvy. I know that better days are ahead if we put our trust in the Lord. I also know things might get full of trials and tribulations and temptations.
The Spirit of The Lord will come upon our lives to comfort us, walk beside us, live inside us, will be our strength, will pray for us when we don’t know how.
God will give us a peace that passes understanding, a joy overflowing, a hope everlasting, a trust that is faithful and a love all fulfilling. More than what we can ask, think, or comprehend.
He opened the way to Life and not an ordinary one but an abundant life. He gave us something stronger than “happiness”, He gave us JOY! He loves us unconditionally with an everlasting love. He takes as we are and transforms us into what we were destined to be.
I truly am blessed and I do mean blessed when I remember the people, friends, family, even strangers who have come into my life. God had sent all of them, even those who have meant evil, all we’re sent by God. All have helped me in so many ways to bring me closer to God; to find enjoyment in this life; see things through the eyes of a child; to see the wonders of the world around me and so much more to discover. To truly pray “Our Father, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”.
Now everyday I ask myself, “In the light of Eternity, what does it matter?” It puts into perspective what is eternally important and what is going to pass away. I want to know Christ in the fellowship of His sufferings, that I might know Him in the power of His resurrection.

“Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death. And on those in the tombs bestowing life.”

Christ is risen! In Truth He is risen! He is risen indeed!

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His Relentless, Unfailing Love

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Lord Help Me Make it ThroughYears have passed since I first found Christ, or rather since Christ found me.
Yes, Christ found me and I rebelled at first, then finally bowed my knee.  I claimed Him as my Savior and Lord, my God and my Master.  No other God would I serve.
But since that day, long ago, my feet have trodden many a time in places forbidden and dark.  I, so often, have been drawn away to other masters, other gods who gave enticing yet deceptive treats that when grasped would crumble into dust; or when eaten turned bitter and full of bile when swallowed.
So, I have paid the price of tasting forbidden fruit.  I have suffered the pain of grabbing thorns.  I have known the shackles of fierce demons unrelenting in their torture.  In fear and darkness, anxiety and unforgiveness, I walked through the valleys of the shadow of death.
​In the depths of despair, I heard footsteps pursuing me.  Afraid of the Presence of God, I hid but being so exhausted and tired, I surrendered to His One pursuit.  I collapsed in His arms, not caring if He would slay me, for death itself would be better than living in the squalor and mire I was now in.
​I cried out, “Lord, save me, deliver me, have mercy.”  Then a light began to burn and the Presence of Whom I had surrendered to was the One I had always longed for.  The Lord Jesus was the One who had been pursuing me relentlessly and never ending.  He enveloped me in His arms.  His love washing over me like wave after wave, cleansing, healing, forgiving.
God — I thought He was a fierce Master and a Lord that I could never appease.  He was truly fierce and worthy of respect — for He was all powerful, so holy.  Now, for the first time, I was given fresh revelation.  Just as fierce was His righteousness, His love was equally fierce.  I now surrendered to the lover of my soul.
​I remember when I was young in Christ, visions and dreams enveloped my nights.  By day, I was filled with an insatiable desire, an unquenchable thirst and hunger for God.  I had a gnawing ache deep within that I was called to a purpose — a great and mighty plan.  I’ve caught glimpses of His plans.  I am still not sure what it all means.   I am not sure about the why’s, what’s, or the when’s.  His ways are always higher than mine.  His ways are past finding out.  ​God has given many gifts, skills and talents all I need is a desire to try and do my best for Him and surrender those gifts to Hitoshi use or not to use.  I am so very thankful and so very blessed.  It seems the Lover of my soul continues to shower me with His incredible treasures.
​I am learning submission and obedience within God’s will.  I can trust God to work all for good.  I am learning more and more the balance between grace and obedience.  I am learning evermore the depths and the heights of His great love, mercy, forgiveness and grace.
I am also learning that with the joy there is also the fellowship of His suffering.  That love often bears a cross and a crown of thorns.  But love never loses focus of the goal and will always prevail and endure.
​I believe in trusting God with my future and leaving it in His hands.  For I have learned that just when I think I know — that is when I am most ignorant.  It is better to be like Mary, the mother of Jesus, and ponder the things in my heart than it is to speak too hastily.
​I cannot help but wonder at the past events of my life.  How does it all fit together in God’s plan?  I do not know.  I do know that He has called me away many times and says to me, “Come away my beloved.  Come and learn of me.  Spend time alone in my presence.  Let Me love you.  Let Me fill you with Myself.”
​When a person is a child and his friends reject him the adult world says, “go and make new friends” or “that’s okay, you’ll find other friends.”  Someone hurts her or calls her a name and the adult world says, “sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you.”
As a child becomes a teen and “falls in love”  they call it “puppy love”  but when the first break-up occurs the adult world says, “you’ll get over it”  or “there are other fish in the sea.”
When friends hurt and we don’t fit in, others say, “they probably weren’t your real friends anyway” or “you’re better off without them.”
Finally, there comes a time when we are the adults.  Mom and Dad are no longer there to run to and we have no answers.  They are not there to hold us or wipe the tears from our eyes.  We get hurt, cry on our pillow, then try and remember all those sayings we were told as a child.  Yet, it doesn’t take the pain away anymore.
But, did it really ever help before?
Maybe, it merely would hide it for awhile… until the next time.
What do they really tell us?

  • Cover it up…
  • Forget it…
  • Bury it…
  • It’s all over…
  • You’ll get over it…

What good were all those sayings?
​Many times my walls have gone up… walls of bitterness, mistrust, unforgiveness and hurt.  I have made silent vows of: not letting anyone get too close; not letting myself become vulnerable; not letting anyone see me as I really am; not willing to love wholeheartedly.
​But God’s relentless, pursuing love starts calling, wooing, and melting those walls.  His love begins to permeate once again my heart, my life.  I begin reaching out, touching others, loving again.
​His love — it’s beautiful; it’s wonderful; it’s a sweet aroma, an enriching fragrance.  I am lifted, refreshed, strengthened and renewed!  My hope is built.  My faith is encouraged.  My trust is renewed.  My heart is softened.  I learn to love again.
​Then it happens, my heart is tested by those very same areas that hurt, those same words, those same actions, the same pain, the same wound — reopened all over again.  The only thing that may be different is the people have different names or faces.  I tend to slip into disillusionment, despair, disappointment.  Feeling rejected, lost, hurt, hopeless and lonely.  The loneliness is the part we all hate.  The loneliness we can feel even when we’re in a crowd.
May those lonely times drive me to the Lord Jesus Christ, the only one who can satisfy a lonely heart, fulfill my deepest longings, heal the wounds of pain.
As I stop seeking and pursuing after worldly pleasures and turn my efforts and affections toward the love of God will I find fulfillment.
As I let go of all memories, all the people, all the hurts, all the longings, will I find my heart satisfied.
In losing my life, I find it.  In giving, I receive.  In dying, only then shall I live.  Sticks and stones may kill the body, but they cannot kill the soul.
There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  There is a friend that will never leave nor depart.  There is a friend whose love will never change.
So, I have sought Him often alone — but not often enough.  I know He desires me more than I Him, but that will probably always be that way.  I feel as though I have been in a desert and yet I have not been forsaken.  There is hidden beauty in the desert.  I believe I have passed from a romantic feeling of love into a deep and abiding lasting love that goes far beyond feelings and into a deep sense of knowing.
​I am at peace and am content with God.  I feel comfortable with my relationship and settled.  Yet, at the same time, paradoxically, I am restless, hungry, thirsty.  I am satisfied but ever yearning for more of Him.  I am in pursuit of God, yet at rest.
​Yes, I have made up my mind.  I will continue on this path, wherever the Lord may lead.  I will stick with my God, my Lord, the one I love and am learning to love over and over again in fresh and new ways.  I plan on hanging in through all the trials.  I will not run from fear.  I will face whatever the future may bring and take the risk of bearing a cross.
​I may stumble, but I will go on.  Ultimately, my deepest longings will be fulfilled and I will accomplish His purpose to which I’ve been called.  Only by walking through the desert can I expect to enter that promised land.  Like Jacob I will hold on until I receive the blessing.  Even if, in holding on, it may appear to my natural eyes that I am crippled some way, in the end, every good thing has a price.
​If I fail to hear God’s voice and find myself lost along the way, even in my wanderings I will be okay.  I know that my Lord Jesus, is the Good Shepherd and will pursue and seek me.  I can trust in God, alone, who can redeem anything that is lost including wayward dreams.  He can make mistakes turn for good.  He can make the foolish become wise — the strong become weak and the weak become strong.  He can redeem the years that the locusts have eaten.  He can bring beauty out of ashes and turn mourning into joy.  He holds all things in His hands.  He is sovereign and will accomplish His purpose and work in my life what He desires.  So, I can face the future with assurance and hope.  I am bathed and washed in His goodness and love.
​Praise His name forevermore.  He will keep me as the apple of His eye and hide me in the shelter of His wings.  He is my God and I will be His servant forever!  Not by my might, nor by my power, but by the grace of His Spirit!
Come to the one who is the lover of your soul.  Come to the one who loves with a never ending, ever enduring, everlasting love.  There is a Savior who will be with us in the deepest seas of despair, the darkest night of loneliness, the great chasm of pain.  Jesus has felt the pain.  He has known the agony.  He has experienced the sorrow
​In Him and through Him we can reach out.  By Him and because of Him we can love again.  Because nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord except our own selves. We know that His perfect love will cast out all fear.  Then the world will know we are His disciples by our love!
​”Lord of love, fill us with more of You!”

Trials pass God through to me

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“There is nothing-no circumstances, no trouble, no testing-that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has come past God and Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose.” Alan Redpath

This quote was found in a fiction book I was reading and it really struck me at how true this is. If I can only remember that all things in my life God works together for good and for a good purpose for me. Most often it is in the trials of life that I grow the most in character and into the person that God wants me to be.

Too often I see negative things come my way and I have negative thinking that goes along with it. In light of this being “Easter Monday” I am reminded that the darkness of the cross was actually a triumphant act and especially in light of the resurrection. I am always trying to put myself in the shoes of the followers of Christ on Good Friday and how they must have felt to see Perfect Love crucified – without the knowledge of the coming resurrection. I have experienced loss, grief and death, but I have the knowledge and the hope of resurrection.

If I can hold fast to the Faith, then I can get through my own little crosses in this life with the hope and joy of resurrection.

Christ is Risen! In Truth, indeed He is Risen!

The Gift of Time

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 Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Fourth of July, the end of the summer and the beginning of another school year… time flies.  Time… the one gift we all have in common… the one thing we all have equal amounts given to us.  Time… we have all that we are going to ever get but something we never seem to have enough of.  The Word of God exhorts us to redeem the time.  We should be good stewards of all our resources especially our time.  Once we spend our time, it is gone forever.  We can not count on tomorrow.  It may never come.  We are to look to each day and make wise use of the time that God has now given us.
 As these thoughts come to mind, I am fully aware of how much time I waste every day, every hour, every moment.  How much time do I spend in prayer?  How much time do I spend in the Word?  How much time do I spend with those I love?  How much time do I spend in front of the television, play computer games, read the newspaper, or waste away.
I have been extremely discouraged lately, it seems I never have “enough time” to get all the things done that I want to do.  People just do not have “enough time” to give anymore.  The truth is, we do have “enough time”.  God has given us plenty of time.  He has given us all the time that we will ever need.  It comes down to priorities… do we use our time as God would have us?  Ouch!  Truth hurts!  Bottom line… we all have “enough time”.  It is how we choose to spend our time that shows us our hearts.

Mike in 1969 7 mos


The issue of time was brought very close to my heart.  My brother, Michael, was 26 years old and died in an accident in the mountains near Weaverville.  My brother, Michael and I were very, very close.  He had always struggled in his walk with the Lord.  The week before his death, he came through Redding from Sacramento to visit.  He was struggling again (here we go again, it seemed he was always struggling).  He was very confused about the direction he should take in his life.  He shared many personal, heart issues that, to my knowledge he had not shared with others.  We played games and talked.  Later, we listened to some of his favorite songs and then somehow the conversation turned to his reason for leaving Sacramento and why he was headed to Weaverville.  He told me he did not know what he was going to do, but he knew one thing, he was going to get away from everything and everyone that was hounding him and seek God in prayer for answers.
 The day before he died, he confessed his belief in the Lord Jesus Christ and he planned to go to church the next day.  He died less than 24 hours later. Michael’s time on earth ended.  Time, he did not know that he had so little time left — neither did I.
Mike and Kat 1994

Mike and me in 1994


Up to this time, I had not experienced the death of a loved one yet, let alone the death of someone so very close and dear to my heart.  With his death, God was a very real comfort to me.  The Lord rekindled my passion and fire for to live a pure life pleasing to Him and to reflect the light of Christ in me.  My deep passion and concern for lost or wandering souls deepened.  Death is a reminder that we do not always have tomorrow.  Death is a reminder that we need to always keep mindful to be faithful with the time we have and to redeem the time.  When I last hugged my brother and told him I loved him…  I did not know it was going to be the last time.  I almost made excuses.  His visit was unexpected.  I was busy and had other plans.  I thought, “I don’t have time.”  That day I felt God’s urgency that I needed to take the time for my brother.  Looking back, I am so glad I did.  I almost missed a very precious moment and memory.  I realize it was the Holy Spirit prompting me with the urgency and importance to drop all my plans.  How many times, have I missed the Spirit’s quiet calls?  I praise God that I did not miss that one.  I had a chance to comfort and encourage my brother, tell him I loved him no matter what, I had a chance to put my arms around him and hug him — for the last time.
 At the graveside services, the minister’s closing prayer had these words, “Thank you Lord for the gift of death”.  I though to myself how morbid.  He went on to say that the “gift of death” is a reminder to those of us who are alive that the time we have is a precious gift.  Death reminds us to say, “I love you” to those we love and not put it off to tomorrow, for we may not have tomorrow.  Death reminds us that “today is the day of salvation, now is the time”.  How many people do I get a chance to comfort, encourage, or simply share a smile or a hug?  How many times do I put off making a telephone call, or writing a letter, or saying those words of healing, hope and love to someone?  Help me Lord to be obedient to your gently leading.  Help me Lord, to take the time, to make the time, to redeem the time with everyone I meet.
(© August 1995 although first published in a local Christian newspaper, I have been reflecting on these thoughts again as April comes around once again. The month of my brother’s birthday. He would have been 42 years old and though “time” has eased some of the sharpness of the pain… I still find myself missing him, grieving him and I am once again reminded of the importance of family, friends and taking the time.)

Good King Wenceslaus – A Christmas Carol and Historical Christianity

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The Holy Martyr Wenceslaus (Vatslav or Vyacheslav), King of the Czechs
Commemorated September 28/October 11
Of all the ancient stories that surround Christmas, the tale about King Wenceslaus (spelled Vatslav or Vyacheslav) stands out. Though the carol was composed by noted songwriter and priest, John Mason Neale, the song is based on historical fact.
King Wenceslaus was a real member of European royalty, a ruler who daily touched his subjects with Christian kindness and charity. For many in the Dark Ages, this king was the role model for Christian leaders. Today, over a thousand years after his death, King Wenceslaus remains a role model for Christian people everywhere.
The son of Duke Borivoy (Bratislav) of Bohemia, Saint Wenceslaus had the good fortune to be raised by his grandmother, holy Martyr and Princess Ludmilla (commemorated September 16). Ludmilla was a devoted Christian woman who raised Prince Wenceslaus in deep piety, teaching her grandson the meaning of faith, hope, and charity. Wenceslaus took his grandmother’s lessons to heart, and in 920, when Duke Borivoy (Bratislav) was killed in battle, the youngster seemed ready to put what he had learned into action. At the age of eighteen, Saint Wenceslaus, just a few minutes older than Boleslaus, was made the leader of Bohemia.
In spite of his youthful age, he ruled wisely and justly and concerned himself much about the Christian enlightenment of the people. The holy prince was a widely educated man, and he studied in the Latin and Greek languages. Saint Wenceslaus was peace-loving. He built and embellished churches, and in Prague, the Czech capital, he raised up a magnificent church in the name of Saint Vitus, and he had respect for the clergy.
Envious nobles decided to murder the saint and, at first, to incite his mother against him, and later to urge his younger brother, Boleslav, to occupy the princely throne. As the young duke attempted to guide the troubled nation, his mother, Drahomira, and his brother, Boleslaus, instituted a pagan revolt. They assassinated Ludmilla as she prayed, then attempted to overthrow Saint Wenceslaus. The teen took charge, put down the rebellion, and in an act of Christian kindness, expelled his mother and brother rather than executing them. The tiny nation was amazed that the boy would react with such great mercy.
With the wisdom of Solomon, the young duke set up a nation built on true justice and mercy. He enacted laws in the manner he thought would best serve his Lord. As king, he labored in the Faith like the great ascetics, and strengthened the Christian Faith among his people. He was strict in ensuring that no innocent person suffer in the courts. In his zeal for the Christian Faith and in his love for his fellow man, Saint Wenceslaus purchased pagan children who were being sold as slaves, and immediately baptized them and raised them as Christians. He translated the Gospel of St. John into the Czech language, and transported the relics of St. Vitus and St. Ludmilla to Prague.
He even journeyed out into the country seeking insight as to what his people needed. When possible, he shared everything from firewood to meat with his subjects. He took pity on the poor and urged those blessed with wealth to reach out to the less fortunate. In large part due to Saint Wenceslaus’s example, a host of pagan peasants turned to Christianity. It was a revival unlike any had ever seen in the country.
When Saint Wenceslaus married and had a son, all of Bohemia celebrated. Peasants and powerful landlords sought the man out, offering their prayers for long life and happiness. With a smile on his face, the leader assured them that he was praying for their happiness as well. In the years that followed, the duke and his subjects continued to share both their prayers and their blessings with one another each day. Rarely had a leader been as universally revered as was Wenceslaus.
And Saint Wenceslaus loved Christmas. Centuries before gift giving became a part of the holiday tradition, the young leader embraced the joy of sharing his bounty with others. Inspired by a sincere spirit of compassion, each Christmas Eve the duke sought out the most needy of his subjects and visited them. With his pages at his side, Saint Wenceslaus brought food, firewood, and clothing. After greeting all in the household, the duke would continue to the next stop. Though often faced with harsh weather conditions, Saint Wenceslaus never postponed his rounds. Like a tenth century Saint Nicholas, the kindly young man made the night before Christmas special for scores of families. For many, a Christmas Eve visit from the duke was an answered prayer and a special reason to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Boleslav invited his brother to the dedication of a church, and then asked him to stay another day. In spite of the warnings of his servants, the holy prince Saint Wenceslaus refused to believe in a conspiracy and exposed his life to the will of God. On the following day, September 28, 935, when Saint Wenceslaus went to Matins, he was wickedly murdered at the doors of the church by his own brother and his brother’s servants. Falling to his knees on the church steps, the dying ruler looked up and whispered, “Brother, may God forgive you.” Then he died. His body was stabbed and discarded without burial.
The mother, hearing of the murder of her son, found and placed his body in a recently consecrated church at the princely court. They were not able to wash off the blood splashed on the church doors, but after three days it disappeared by itself.
Amazingly, when the young man realized what he had done, the new duke turned away from his colleagues and embraced the faith that had guided his brother’s life and rule. Though he had planned the revolt that had killed his twin, it was Boleslaus who sustained the memory of Saint Wenceslaus. After repenting of his sin, the murderer transferred the relics of Saint Wenceslaus to Prague, where they were placed in the church of St. Vitus, which the martyr himself had constructed (the transfer of the relics of Saint Wenceslaus is celebrated on March 4). The memory of Saint Wenceslaus has been honored from of old in the Orthodox Church. Thanks to the man who killed his brother, the Crown of Saint Wenceslaus became the symbol of the Czech nation. Saint Wenceslaus suffered in the year 935 and his relics repose in Prague.
The Christmas Carol “Good King Wenceslaus”
 Good King Wenceslaus looked out, on the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about, Deep and crisp and even;
Brightly shone the moon that night, Tho’ the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight, Gath’ring winter fuel.
 
 “Hither, page, and stand by me, If thou know’st it, telling,
Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling?”
“Sire, he lives a good league hence, Underneath the mountain;
Right against the forest fence, By Saint Agnes’ fountain.”
 
“Bring me flesh, and bring me wine, Bring me pine logs hither:
Thou and I will see him dine, When we bear them thither.”
Page and monarch, forth they went, Forth they went together;
Thro’ the rude wind’s wild lament And the bitter weather.
 
“Sire, the night is darker now, And the wind blows stronger;
Fails my heart, I know not how, I can go no longer.”
“Mark my footsteps, good my page;  Tread thou in them boldly:
Thou shalt find the winter’s rage Freeze thy blood less coldly.”
 
In his master’s steps he trod Where the snow lay dinted;
Heat was in the very sod  Which the Saint had printed.
Therefore, Christian men, be sure, Wealth or rank possessing,
Ye who now will bless the poor,Shall yourselves find blessing.
 An Orthodox Hymn of Praise
 The Holy Martyr Wenceslaus, King of the Czechs
From a wicked mother, good fruit was born:
Saint Wenceslaus, who pleased God.
His wicked mother gave him only a body,
But his grandmother-light and faith and hope.
The glorious grandmother, pious Ludmilla,
Nurtured Wenceslaus ‘s soul.
As a white lily, Wenceslaus grew,
And adorned himself with innocence.
As the king reigned, the people rejoiced,
And with their king they honored God.
Yet the adversary of man never sleeps or dozes,
Laying sinful snares for every soul,
And he incited Boleslav against Wenceslaus.
“For what, my brother, do you want my head?”
Wenceslaus asked, but was still beheaded!
But the evildoer did not escape God.
The soul of Saint Wenceslaus went
Before the Most-high God, the Just,
The One he had always adored,
And with Ludmilla, Wenceslaus now prays
For his people, that they be strengthened in faith.
Saint Wenceslaus, beautiful as an angel!

Suffering, Sin, Sickness & Death

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Suffering, Sin, Sickness & Death Thank you for your prayers for my myriad health problems. I appreciate you sharing the scripture verse you quoted, Isaiah 53:4 and 5: “surely he has borne our grief and carried our sorrows. Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted, but He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement for our peace was upon Him. And by His stripes we are healed.” I do believe that God can and does heal people. This verse is often quoted as well as many others that to many mean that God guarantees a healing if we only proclaim it and have faith. This is not always the case and especially when it comes to anything from God. This part of scripture in complete context talks about the suffering of the Lord and healing us of sin, transgressions, iniquities, and restoring us into a right relationship with God. I do believe sometimes sin and the devil can cause affliction and bad health. However, not all affliction is from sin or of the devil, or even lack of faith. When I look at the complete Bible, there are numerous examples of suffering even for the righteous. In many passages of Scripture it reminds us there will be suffering in this life which God allows us to go through. Some of the suffering is for only a time, some is for this life time, but all suffering, illness and even death will be taken away. Christ conquered sin. Does this mean that since Christ conquered sin, we are no longer sinful? I am sure you would agree that although we have been forgiven of our sins both past, present and future, it does not mean we are any less sinful and we don’t need to confess and repent of our sins or that we are without sin. So as we live out each day, we sin each day and then we need to repent and confess our sins so that we might be healed of our sins. Christ conquered death. Does this mean that since Christ conquered death that we will never die? In one sense, yes, our soul will never die. In the other physical sense, our body will die unless we are blessed to be alive at the glorious Second Coming of Christ. Although Christ conquered death and the grave does not mean that we will not experience a physical death and experience the decay and corruption of a dying body. Christ conquered sickness. So now I ask the question, does this mean that since Christ conquered sickness that we will never be sick? Could there be another meaning? Just like in sin or in death Christ conquered all these things it does not mean that we will be “saved” from all these things. One might say that sin is our own fault and that might imply that we can live a life of perfection because Christ lived as a man and He lived perfectly. However, very few people will ever attain perfection and be without sin even after becoming born again. So is sickness from sin? As I said before that some sicknesses are from sin, but then just because a person is healthy does that mean they are without sin? I am sure you would agree that there are many healthy people that are very sinful people. Likewise there are many healthy people who have no faith at all in God, or a god, and are even atheist in their beliefs. So then we have to realize that sometimes God allows sickness comes in to our lives for the testing of our faith and for to bring glory to God in the midst of our trials, tribulations, sufferings and illnesses. We only need to look at the life of Job in the Old Testament and see how a righteous man is put to the test and although we get the glimpse into heaven and see the conversation between God and the devil, Job had no idea and neither did his wife. Yet we see Job suffering patiently and trusting God with his well-meaning friends offering counsel that maybe he didn’t have faith or their must be some sin his life that God was punishing Job. Yet, then we see God rebuking Job’s friends and never giving an explanation for Job’s suffering but instead declares His Glory to Job and reminds them and us, that He is God and will do as He pleases. We can never make demands of God, we are at His mercy. His will and purposes extend beyond our present vision and this present life. We all have to die sometime in our life (unless the Lord comes). Death is unavoidable. It is not a question of whether or not we will die, we will all die. The question becomes “how will we die?” We will all die from our bodies finally giving out or by some other means. Our bodies from the time we stop growing up are then on the decline and decaying. Death is the final step. I also mean that both physically and spiritually. Even after Christ raised Lazarus from the dead, Lazarus had die again later on in his life. When Christ healed the paralytic, He first said, your sins are forgiven. The Pharisees were in an uproar because they said only God can forgive sins. Christ answered so that they would know that he had the power to forgive, He then healed the man. Christ healed many people but not all people. Those He healed were also “saved”. All of His healings were to demonstrate that He was truly God in the flesh. Throughout Church history and even throughout the New Testament in the lives of the saints of God, illness, suffering, trials and tribulations came to test their faith. The Apostle Paul reminds us that whom the Lord loves He chastens. Jesus said, “in this world you will have tribulations, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” Earth is not our home and these bodies are still living in a polluted and sinful world. Oftentimes sickness and illness are used by God to build our faith and draw us closer to Him. It is a great testimony to praise God in the midst of the storms of our life and glorify Him and say like Job, “though He (meaning God) slay me, yet will I trust Him” and again Job says, “for I know that my Redeemer lives and I will stand with Him on that day (meaning the day of judgment)”. Through sicknesses and trials we are reminded that this is earth and not Heaven and that Heaven is truly our home and we have the Eternal hope that all sorrow and sickness and tears will be wiped away. I will close with these passages of Scripture: 1 Peter 1:3 -7: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again unto a living hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, Whom having not seen, you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; but rejoice, to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 5:10-11 “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. Please pray for me as I pray for you that we both may glorify God in all things.